


The Right Thing Suits So Few

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Divorce, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sixth-Form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-04 20:25:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3087953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“People wouldn’t talk if I didn’t break rules,” Louis had told him and Liam had carefully crunched a crisp before mumbling forlornly: “Yeah, but they know you. Nobody knows me.”</p><p>“Well, I know you now, Leem, it’s alright.”</p><p>And Liam’s face had lit up like a christmas tree.</p><p> - </p><p>or, a sixth form au in which louis' heart breaks</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Right Thing Suits So Few

**Author's Note:**

> standard disclaimer: I don’t own one direction. this work is entirely fictional and I would rather it was not shared with anybody portrayed in it, and all that other stuff.
> 
> louis' family is as it was when he was when he was 17/18, so the new babies/dan aren't there, and all the boys are in upper sixth bar liam who is in lower
> 
> thanks so much to meg for listening to me crying about this, a lot, and to lyssi for the amazing beta!
> 
> warnings are potentially slightly spoiler-ish so I put them [in the notes at the end](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3087953#work_endnotes) (which aren't included in the tags) but if theres anything that you're worried about read them, maybe.
> 
> title from hedley's heavens gonna wait
> 
> hope you enjoy! sorry if it's not the best, hey, i tried.

*

 

Louis remembers when he first met him in vivid detail. He’d been in Year 9 and, after trying to spray a deodorant can in front of a Bunsen burner, got kicked out of his chemistry lesson and sent to sit in with the Year 8s next door. 

Mrs. Royston had simply rolled her eyes at him, this being the second of her lessons he’d interrupted that week, and directed him to the only empty seat in the room; one on a back desk for two, as oppose to the long rows everyone else was sitting in.

“Tomlinson, just take a chair and sit next to Liam- and don’t you dare try and disturb my teaching,” she’d told him, and Louis had wandered over across the room, picking up a chair and carrying it stupidly high over everyone’s heads, dropping it with a clang next to the boy who was peeking out at him under a silly, straightened Bieber-esque fringe.

“Nice hair,” Louis had said, flinging his bag onto the desk and flopping back in the chair.

“Um,” the boy, Liam, had replied.

“Louis, get some work out. _Now_.”

He’d huffily retrieved a slightly crumpled worksheet from his bag before turning to Liam and asking for a pen.

Liam had handed one over without glancing up, ducking back under his fringe.

“Cheers,” Louis’d messily written his name at the top, deeming that enough work for a while. “Liam, right?”

“Uh... yeah.” Liam replied.

“M’Louis,” he’d said, holding out a hand and Liam stared at it and didn’t move.

“I know.”

Louis raised an eyebrow in surprise, “You do?” and had Louis been able to see much of Liam’s face between the Biebs hair cut and him staring into his lap, he’d have been pretty sure Liam turned bright red.

“Everyone knows you,” Liam shrugged and when Louis didn’t reply he’d carried on rambling. “You... you were in the play last term...    and you’re on the footy team, right? People talk a lot about… sorry... sorry,” and he’d trailed off, going redder. It made Louis smile nonetheless, bemused, like the reaction to a dopey puppy walking into a patio door.

“Right,” Louis grinned at him and Liam looked up at him with wide eyes. “Hungry?” he’d asked.

Louis definitely did giggle a little bit at the way Liam’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion under his fringe until Louis dug around in his bag again pulling out a bag of salt and vinegar crisps.

“You can’t eat in the lab though, Louis,” Liam had said, so genuinely concerned and trying to shush him when Louis rather noisily opened the packet and offered him one first.

Louis, to this day, has never seen someone so tentatively take food but look so happy about breaking a rule afterwards, even while lecturing him. 

“People wouldn’t talk if I didn’t break rules,” Louis had told him and Liam had carefully crunched a crisp before mumbling forlornly: “Yeah, but they know you. Nobody knows me.”

“Well, _I_ know you now, Leem, it’s alright.” 

And Liam’s face had lit up like a Christmas tree.

 

*

 

Four years later, when they’ve both somehow made it through GCSEs and to sixth form, Louis still stands by that. He knows Liam and he’s pretty sure Liam knows him better than anyone too. 

“Fuck it,” he sighs, angrily closing down the document and giving up on his personal statement.

“Need a hand there?” Liam looks up from his textbook as they sit in the library, waiting for Louis to last-minute-dot-com sort out what he needs to apply for universities.

Louis pretends to glare at him out the corner of his eye but Liam grins at him and he can’t help the way his lips twitch up too. “No, Payno, I’m clearly doing swell,” he retorts and Liam carries on grinning.

“And so calmly, too.”

“Oi, shut it. You’re gonna be doing this next year, too. Don’t forget,” Louis says, already picking up his stuff and getting to his feet. 

Liam shakes his head at him and follows Louis standing up, “Common room?” he asks, and Louis knows without turning around that he’s already trailing behind Louis on the way through the double doors. 

“Louis, ya prick,” Louis hears upon sitting down at an empty table in the common room as it slowly fills up, looking up to see Niall approaching. Liam ducks out the way to make room for the other upper sixth lads but Louis grabs a hold of his hand and pulls him into the seat next to him, not letting go for a minute or so.

“Yes, Niall dearest?”

“Where were you in Psychology?” he asks, sprawling out on a chair opposite Louis and Liam.

Shit. Louis scrunches his face up and laughs. “Bugger. I thought I had a free.” Well, that’s mostly a lie: he didn’t really- but Liam had a free and Liam is marginally more fun to be around than Mr. Wallis banging on about the different memory stores in the brain.

Beside him, Liam shifts, and Louis remembers to drop his hand. “Louis, you told me you checked your timetable.” he insists and Louis just smiles when he turns to look at Liam’s wavering on disapointed face.

“Oops?” he shrugs and Liam gives him a small smile back and Louis doesn’t feel remotely guilty.

He does feel slightly bad that Liam doesn’t take to Louis’ friends as easy as he does, and he’s probably just hanging around waiting for his absolutely-not-girlfriend....Tilly or Tia or something like that....but he was Louis’ friend first- and Louis was his _first_ _friend_ \- and he needs time with someone who he doesn’t have to be the coolest version of himself around. Liam knows he’s a numpty and still wants to be around him.

Niall just laughs and puts his feet up on an empty seat. “Anyway, you coming out with us on Saturday, Tommo? You can be our designated driver.”

“Fuck off, can I be. You can walk your lazy arse to the bus stop for once.” Louis scoffs and Niall full on cackles. “Who classifies as ‘us’ anyway?”

“Me, you, Zayn, ol’ Harold...”

“And Liam,” Louis butts in and Liam looks up in surprise.

“Oh, um, no I don’t want to tag along with your-” he begins but Louis cuts him off throwing his hands in the air.

“Nonsense! Payno’s coming isn’t he, Ni?”

Niall shrugs and looks at Liam, “Sure. Why not.”

Louis cheers loudly and pats Liam on the knee, just as Harry and Zayn arrive, scooting round closer to Liam to give the others space to sit.

Liam leans in close to Louis, and he’s nice and warm so Louis leans back listening as Liam tilts his face up to his ear and whispers, “I can bring Tara along, can’t I?” 

Louis pulls back a bit before nodding, “Yeah, uh, ‘course,” he says, sitting back in his own space and Liam smiles gratefully at him. Louis knows Liam finds his friends intimidating, hell he thought Louis was intimidating the first eight months he met him, but he’s more than convinced that can be solved with a drink or six.

“Alright, Tommo?” Zayn asks, sliding the lighter he borrowed earlier from Louis across the table.

“Yeah. We’re just organising Saturday. Liam’s gonna come with, aren’t you?” he directs the last bit to Liam who fiddles with the bottom of his shirt.

“I guess.”

“Gonna drink this time, kid?” Harry asks and it probably came out more patronising than intended but Louis squeezes Liam’s forearm defensively anyway, keeping his fingers there and Liam just lets him, glancing at Louis for answers.

“Yeah, they’ll be on me.” he rubs his thumb across Liam’s wrist. “Niall, are you gonna get your brother’s ID for us?” 

Niall nods and attempts to wink. “Never gave it back after last time.” It makes Louis grin because Niall doesn’t look twenty like his brother. Niall looks like a Year 8. Niall hasn’t even managed to grow facial hair yet. He tells him this and gets a V sign in return.

“Knob.”

“Lou,” Liam says quietly, leaning into Louis again, “Ta’s over there… I’m gonna go see her.”

Louis reluctantly removes his hand from Liam’s arm and pats him on the shoulder, “Alright. Use protection.” he jokes as Liam stands, laughing softly and rolling his eyes at Louis, whose stomach flips as triumphantly as ever when he gets Liam to laugh. Liam never used to get his jokes, used to stare at him with wide puppy-dog eyes until Louis assured him he wasn’t being serious. He’s so glad he’s broken him down now.

“Oh, look. You do allow him to have some independence.” Zayn laughs and Louis slaps his hand quickly.

“Fuck off. I don’t force him to spend time with me.” he argues back, and Zayn’s only taking the piss, he knows he is, so he’s not sure why he feels so defensive.

Zayn just smirks, offering Louis a jammy dodger from his packet. “Not that he’d object anyway.”

Louis takes the biscuit and ignores him. Pillocks, the lot of them. On the other side of the room he can see Liam talking to a pretty ginger girl. That’s probably whatsherface. Liam is laughing at something she’s saying, eyes going all squinty and cute, and Louis is momentarily distracted by the line of Liam’s shoulders under his shirt. He snaps out of it when he hears his name mentioned.

“... you’ll see, Tommo’s gonna regret that, trust me I know.”

“Gonna regret what?” Louis focuses back to whatever Harry was saying. It’s not his fault it takes Harry a year to tell a story. “Bollocks. I don’t regret anything.”

“What about selling those Green Day tickets we got last year?” Niall pipes up and Louis scowls at him. Apparently grudges are still being held over that.

“That was different. Mum needed the money, I...”

“Needed mummy’s boy’s money, did she?” he teases and Louis swipes his bag of crisps.

“Mm,” he hums with one in his mouth, “I hate you.”

Niall laughs at him and abandons hope of getting his crisps back. “Love you too, Looouis.” and Louis’ frown breaks slightly, shaking his head fondly. Idiot.

 

 

When Louis gets home its chaos as per usual. He dumps his bag and folders at the bottom of the stairs and dodges out of the way of one of the twins coming hurtling down. 

“Louis! Daisy took my helicopter, she did. It was mine and she took it.” Phoebe pouts up at him, clinging to his leg. 

“Did she now?” He asks, looking upstairs and wincing at the sound of something crashing to the floor. “Which helicopter is this?”

Phoebe places a hand on her hip and looks up at him exasperated, as if this is the sort of vital information he should know. “There’s only one, silly. It’s my animal hospital one and she _stole_ it.”

“Dais!” he calls upstairs, trying to prise away the little pair of hands grabbing onto his jacket. “Remember we don’t take stuff without asking, do we?”

“I didn’t!” comes the reply. “It’s both of ours anyway. Nana gave it to us, and she wasn’t using it.”

“I might’ve been,” Phoebe shouts back and Louis lifts her up and places her on her feet a few steps above.

They’re really getting too big to be carried around now but he manages with a grunt nonetheless. “Phoebe, you can’t keep telling tales all the time. You need to learn how to share stuff too.”

“She already steals my birthday every year.” Phoebe huffs, probably ignoring every word Louis has just said and scrambling back up the stairs. 

He sighs and turns into the living room to see Lottie with the contents of her school bag exploded across the carpet. So much for her watching the girls for half an hour. He steps over her rummaging around for whatever it is she’s lost and clicks the answerphone and missed voicemails.

 _“Message one, four oh six pm:”_ his mother’s voice follows the machine: “ _Hey Lou, I probably won’t be back from work until around seven tonight, the ward is getting really busy. I’ve frozen a shepherd’s pie in the freezer you’ve just got to bang it in the oven for forty minutes or so. Make sure the girls do their homework and don’t let them stay up too late-”_

“I’m allowed to stay up!” Lottie protests from the floor and Louis shushes her hurriedly, going back to the message.

_“- and make sure they brush their teeth. Casey’s mum will drop Fizzy home from dance at five and Mark should be home at half five, he might ask you for a hand sorting out the garage, though. I love you sweetie, I’ll see you when I get home.”_

Louis clears the messages and collapses into the sofa as if he wasn’t already exhausted, digging around in his back pocket for his mobile phone. It freezes as he’s trying to open a new text and he swears at it, whacking the back with his palm before resolving to take the battery out and put it in again. He really needs to start saving up for a new one, but he’s wiped clean from paying for driving lessons and he needs to save for an actual car, and for uni next year and he wants to go out with friends who don’t get its hard to keep up when you lose every job within two months. 

“Who you texting?” Lottie asks, getting up and moving into the space next to him, flipping on the telly.

“Well, Miss. Nosey, it _was_ going to be Liam if this poxy phone would work.” Louis glares at it as the buffering symbol pops up again.

“Oooh, were you gonna bring him round here?” she asks and Louis side eyes her with suspicion. “I like when Liam comes round. He’s beautiful.”

And Louis can’t argue with that, however irritating his little sister’s completely unsubtle crush on his best mate is. 

“Too bad- he’s mine. Anyway, he’s not coming because he’s busy tonight. Don’t look at me like that.”

Lottie sighs and pokes him in the side, turning her attention to whatever this programme on Disney Channel is. Louis isn’t sure- they all seem the same.

It’s always so much easier when Liam’s giving him a hand, though. The girls love him. His mum loves him. Even Mark loves him- hell, he’d try adopt Liam too if he could. But he’s got to be busy with bloody boxing, as if he really needed any _more_ muscles and Louis has long since given up on trying to be that fit. Look that fit.

Standing up before he has too long to think, he moves into the kitchen to turn the oven on and stick the shepherd’s pie in. He whacks the kettle on while he’s at it and after making his tea, carefully carries it up the stairs, dragging his school bag up on his way past.

He’s got too much work for his A Levels for his liking, seriously- who’d have thought drama would involve essays, but he’s probably gonna have to do something if he wants to pass them and open up the grades on results day that will get him into uni. 

He barely has time to sit and watch Match of the Day, let alone have a moment alone with his thoughts. He’s not entirely sure what he thinks about things anyway, when settling down and actually trying to write his essay, highlighting useless words in the script he’s got and trying to form a paragraph that actually makes sense.

After he’s actually starting to get somewhere with his work, between opening the door every five minutes to tell the girls to stop whining at each other, his phone finally buzzes into action in his pocket and Louis pulls it out to see a text from Liam, and smiles to himself before he’s even read it.

_lou u dont have to bring me out on sat ,i dotn want to intrude on ur y13 friends_

Louis’ stomach drops slightly at that, the others can bugger off if it’s gonna stop Liam coming. He tells Liam so, replying: _id rather u come than all of them mate  ! it'll be fine   , ill look after u haha !! u can bring that girl along if u like the lads r fine xx_

 _alright._ Comes Liam’s reply. _if ur sure, i dont have a fake id tho nd i don't want to get drunk_

Louis just smiles dotingly, the image of Liam getting all concerned over nothing in his mind. _they wont ask for id babe and if they do ill just get them for u  ! perks of lookin older innit !?! xxxx_

 _nah u look 14 man ;)_ Liam tells him and Louis is full on beaming now, essay abandoned on his unmade bed. 

 _fine we’ll just use nialls bros and ur mean to me ::(((((_ Louis types out, then _but u love me really :) xxxx_

 _of cours I do haha □ □ □ □ □_ Liam sends back with a series of emoticons that don’t show up on Louis’ phone.

He begins to reply with lots of hearts made up of the less than symbol and number threes, his chest feeling all warm and giddy for some reason when a high pitched bleeping makes him jump with a start.

Bloody fire alarm and - fuck. He’s forgotten about the dinner.

Louis manages to salvage most of the pie and serve it to his sisters, warning them that its “very, very hot”, before Mark comes in and thankfully takes over. It’s not the first time Louis’ babysitting has ended up a mess, and it probably won’t be the last. His mum just laughs at him when she eventually comes in, looking exhausted and still in her work uniform carrying a couple of Asda bags in each hand. He helps her bring the rest of the shopping in and she gives him a kiss on the cheek, and he waits until she’s sat down in the evening to ask her.

“Can I have like thirty quid to go out tomorrow?”

His mum smiles sadly at him and rubs his arm. “Maybe, love. Where are you going?”

“Just out with Liam and the lads.” he tells her and she nods.

“It’s alright, Jay. Here,” Mark says, coming into the room carrying three mugs of tea precariously. He sets them down on the coffee table and pulls out his wallet, counting out three tenners. “There you go, mate, don’t go silly.”

Louis grins at him and picks up his tea, taking a sip before pocketing the money Mark gave him. “Thanks so much,” he says and Mark just laughs, ruffling Louis’ hair and sitting down to turn on BBC News. 

“Thanks, poppet.” Jay says and Louis knows how much it means to her that he’s happy with Mark as a father, as if Louis’ family wouldn’t mean the world to him. His family and Liam. “I thought Liam didn’t get on with your other friends though,” she questions and Louis shakes his head.

“I wanted him to come anyway,” he tells her and she smiles at him knowingly. “He’s my best mate.”

 

 

He meets Liam at the bus stop on Saturday as the sun is starting to go down, sky slightly pink, the same girl from the common room holding onto his arm. Louis feels some of his excitement dampen down until he hugs Liam tightly as he approaches, nonetheless, smelling like fancy body spray or something, and a little of the excitement starts up again.

Louis was right and they don’t get ID’d. Something he tells Liam he’d know if he came out with them more often.

He orders both him and Liam two amaretto and cokes once inside the club to begin with and even Liam’s lady friend a WKD before he has enough of them giggling at each other across their drinks and buggers off to the booth where Harry and Niall are sat, waiting patiently with a shot glass in his space for him.

“Cheers lads,” he grins, and, on Niall’s count, downs the shot. “Bloody hell,” he coughs, the burn sliding down the back of his throat. “Is that straight vodka?”

“Absinthe,” Niall corrects, “It’s over like 60 per cent,” and cackles at Louis’ choking fit. Louis decides to wash it down with his amaretto and coke before his eyes start to water, shaking his head violently.

“You’re a wanker, you are,” Louis tells him and Niall pulls him into a hug from the side.

“Aw, Tommo, don’t die,” he coos. “Where’s Liam anyway?”

Louis shrugs, taking Harry’s rather green-looking drink and earning a “Heeeyyy,” in response.

“Somewhere with the lass he brought along. Not sure,” he says, wincing as he swallows and shoving Harry his gross drink back.

“I don’t think he likes us much,” Harry says, sipping through his straw and Louis shakes his head.

“Nah, he just thinks you’re a bit intimidating.” Louis tells him.

Harry looks offended and confused at the same time, and Louis almost laughs. “We’re intimidating? He’s friends with _you_ for crying out loud.”

He can feel the warmth of the alcohol start to settle in his belly already when he says, “It’s because he knows I like him.”

Niall laughs from the other side of the booth. “Everyone knows you like him.”

Louis frowns, tilting his head at him, “What’s that meant to mean? Of course I do, he’s my best mate.”

“Alright I was only teasing!” Niall holds his hands up in mock surrender at the same time Harry whines: “I thought _I_ was your best mate.”

Zayn appears then, smelling of smoke and carrying five more shots of something Louis hopes is going to burn his internal organs less than absinthe. He places them down on the table in front of each of them then another in front of Louis.

“Liam not here?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah but he’s got some girl,” Harry butts in and Louis ignores the slight jolt in his stomach.

He picks up the glass for a distraction and gestures with it in the air, “I’ll have his, too. Now are we gonna down them or what?”

Thank god Zayn isn’t trying to kill him with drinks that are like inhaling fire, and thank god Louis is starting to feel light headed and giddy. It’s easier to ignore the weird feelings in his chest if he’s like that.

It’s not easier to control the way his eyes keep scanning the whole club for Liam of their own accord, zoning out of conversations and trying to figure out where he went. Liam had looked nice earlier when Louis saw him, his fitted black shirt had been tight across his torso, which Louis is able to appreciate as a very nice torso, and his hair had been soft and slightly curly- how Louis always tells him he likes it best. But Liam looks nice almost all of the time, so Louis doesn’t suppose that’s anything new.

“Dance.” He says after one more drink, getting to his feet and cutting off his train of thought. “Lads, come on I want to dance.”

In the end only Niall agrees to get up and dance with him, and they move through the crowd of bodies to the dance floor. The bass from the music is the only thing Louis is able to recognise and the lighting is making him feel hot and jittery. 

He ends up wobbling his way into dancing among a small crowd of people, including Niall, swaying his hips in a pendulum movement that probably misses the beat, but he doesn’t care particularly, waving his hand up in the air and feeling his brain go all properly fuzzy from the drinks at last. The lyrics of the music are pretty much indistinguishable but it feels good to actually move, and not stress out about A Levels or home or anyone else popping up into his mind uninvited. 

Two songs in Niall has vanished and he finds himself face to face with a tall, well built lad with short brown hair. He’s pretty good looking- Louis thinks, at least with his beer goggles on- and they’re pretty much standing chest to chest, bodies pressing together with each beat of the bass and Louis’ skin just feels hotter. It’s all fine and Louis is drunk enough not to react when he feels his hands on him, he’s not really sure what’s going on and doesn’t care much to find out while he’s swinging to and fro to the music, ignoring the fact he’s clocked Niall looking at him in confusion.

It’s stuffy between the bodies, and Louis is pulled up closer to the owner of the hands, now on his arse, and doesn’t think much about how he has no idea who this bloke is, or the fact he’s a bloke, until over the guy’s shoulder sees a familiar figure.

“Liam!” he calls out, but Liam doesn’t turn around, of course, Louis can’t even hear his own voice over the music.

He manages to stumble out of the bloke’s hold and begins to weave his way through the constantly moving mass of people, knocking into almost everyone on the way without apologies.

“Lii-am!” he calls again and Liam looks up from where he’s still talking to the girl he brought, (Louis is gonna have to start remembering names), and smiles brightly at him. 

Louis must be more plastered than he thought as his chest swoops a little. 

“Lou, there you are!” he grins and steps away from the girl to grab a hold of Louis’ arm to keep him from teetering over.

“Here I am, Liam. Here you are,” he says and Liam laughs at him. “You not drinking any more, Payno?”

Liam smiles sheepishly and looks across at the girl, “Nah, I’m good. _You’ve_ clearly been having a good time, though.”

“I am having a _marvellous_ time, thank you,” Louis says earnestly, enjoying the way Liam’s mouth twitches up again. He’s about to ask Liam something else when Zayn comes wandering forward.

“Tommo! We’re gonna get more absinthe, you coming?”

Louis’ throat has barely recovered from the first shot. “You fucking mad, mate?” he laughs, and then, “Of course I’m in.”

“Liam!” Zayn is shouting, “you want one?”

Liam, bashful as ever, shakes his head, “No, thank you. I’m alright.” He’s so polite, Louis thinks. So cute.

“Aw, Leem. I will see you later then, yeah?” Louis asks, and when Liam lets go of his arm, topples towards Zayn.

“Catch you later,” he says, and by the time Louis has barely walked off two steps Liam has turned back to his lady friend.

Zayn holds Louis steady by his elbow when he makes it back to their original booth, “Third wheeling there, bro?” he teases and Louis tells him to sod off.

“Whatever,” he shrugs, and takes a glass off Harry, sitting down and almost squashing him.

“Three… two… one… down it!” Zayn calls and Louis is slightly more prepared this time.

He squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to choke, his entire body feeling hot, and when he opens his eyes again eventually the first thing he sees is Liam on the other side of the club quite happily snogging his girl. It must be the bloody absinthe making his tummy feel nauseous and he pushes the glass to the middle of the table, clumsily getting to his feet.

“Quit trying to kill me,” he tells his friends, “Zayn, got a cig I can nick? Need some fresh air.”

Harry scoffs at ‘fresh air’ but Zayn pulls a pack out of his pocket and flips it in his hand, “Sure. I’ll come  with,” he says, and leads the way outside, only having to steady Louis on his feet once on the way.

Once outside he takes two from the pack, handing one over, and Louis watches as he cups his hand around the end, flicking the lighter a couple of times before it catches, and lighting Louis’ for him too.

“Cheers, man,” Louis says after a long exhale.

“I was kidding earlier, I’m sure Liam doesn’t think you were third-wheeling. He doesn’t seem that bad anyway,” Zayn says.

Louis breathes out a laugh with his smoke, “Not that bad. I know you lot don’t think he’s very cool, but he’s my best mate.”

“So you keep saying,” Zayn taps some ash to the ground, “I never said he wasn’t cool. He seems nice.”

Louis nods once, a little too sharply. “He is,” he slurs.

“Tommo?” Zayn asks, just as Louis is starting to feel a little less ill. “You know, Niall said you were dancing…with a lad. Like actual _dancing_ dancing.”

And Louis’ brow furrows in confusion. “Was I?” he asks, trying to play it off and running his free hand through his hair.

“He said the fella had his hands on your arse,” Zayn says and Louis leans back against the cold brick wall, taking another drag and leaving a long pause before he replies.

“My arse is quite good actually, thanks very much.”

Zayn laughs and slouches on the wall next to Louis, “No-one is denying that, mate. But you were with a-”

Louis sighs and cuts off the end of Zayn’s sentence, dropping his cigarette to the floor and stamping it out. “This is a long conversation, isn’t it? Let’s go back in.”

“Mate,” Zayn stops him, grabbing his jacket before he can get up. “Wait a sec.”

Louis is too drunk for this. His mum is gonna kill him if he doesn’t get the smell of smoke out his clothes and he’s gonna have essays to write with a hangover tomorrow but with any luck he won’t even remember the fact he almost got with guy in the morning.

“It’s not like it matters, right?” Louis tries to sound challenging, but his voice is probably too hoarse from the drink to sound serious.

“No,” Zayn admits, stamping out his own cig. “I ‘spose not.”

“Right.” Louis nods, turning and standing for real this time. “Now can we pl _ea_ se go back in. It’s fuckin’ freezing out here.”

And Zayn doesn’t argue.

 

 

 

His mum and Mark aren’t talking on Monday when Louis gets in from sixth form early, relieved Zayn didn’t bring up their conversation again, but the house doesn’t feel right. He goes and collects the girls from primary school, racing them down the road as a dinosaur to collect Lottie from the bus stop, taking her bag from her and swinging it over his shoulder, and Gordon Bennett, since when does a Year 7 need to carry so much crap around?

The girls are oblivious to whatever is going on when they go charging through the house, disrupting everything in their wake. Really, Louis is glad of the way their shenanigans at least give his mum something else to focus on, helping her chop up carrots and stick a couple of chicken drumsticks in the oven for their dinner, cursing as he burns his hand on the baking tray.

“Oven gloves, poppet.” Jay laughs at him as he shakes his hand about and presses on the burn, “Why don’t you go outside and give Mark a hand with his motorbike, yeah?”

Louis doesn’t question it, “Yeah, alright.” he agrees, abandoning his chopping board and going out to shrug his coat on, picking it up from the end of the banister.

It’s cold and miserable outside, he does the zip up to his chin as he walks into the front garden to see Mark bending down with a spanner at the wheel of the bike who looks up and smiles when he approaches.

“Lou, come to give us a hand?” he asks and Louis picks up a slightly grubby rag off the seat.

“Sure,” he nods, starting to aimlessly polish the handles, “the girls are starting world war three in there, figured it best to get out while I’m still alive.”

Mark laughs and tosses Louis a spray can of metal polish, “Probably a wise choice there, mate.”

Louis stays silent for a moment, trying to figure out the right way to phrase it before he tries casually asking, “Was everything alright earlier?”

Mark waits a beat or two, finishing twisting in a bolt from the wheel before placing the spanner on the pavement and wiping his brow, answering, “Yeah. Things are just a bit of a struggle these days, y’know? But really, Louis, it’s nothing for you to worry about. Don’t get worked up about it, alright?” 

Louis looks at him and nods. He knows it’s a struggle. He knows there’s not much money and that five kids are a handful, especially when one of them wants to go off to university. “I’m applying for more jobs,” he says, “I’ll get one eventually-”

“-and you will keep your hard earned money for yourself. Really, son, it’s ok.” Mark cuts him off and Louis sighs, crouching down to polish the number plate.

“Alright.”

“Anyway,” Mark nudges him with his elbow and smiles kindly, “you’ve got enough on your plate with A Levels and coursework- don’t need more pressure than that. You might even get a girlfriend and then you’ll want to see her so much you won’t want any free time.”

Louis isn’t sure why that makes it feel like a pebble has just dropped in his gut, but he laughs quietly anyway, “I might even.” he repeats, “If the little tykes in there don’t scare whoever it is away first.”

Mark grins and passes Louis a screw driver from the toolbox on the drive, “Ooh, well I can’t promise they won’t do that,” and Louis grins back just as his mum calls them in for dinner.

 

 

 

On Tuesday morning Louis sits in the common room with Liam by his side as he separates his bag of penny sweets from the newsagents into piles of sorts, smacking Louis’ hand out the way when he tries to take one and reluctantly letting him pinch a cola bottle, laughing at Louis’ triumphant face as he pops it in his mouth making Louis’ stomach flip. 

“Thief,” Liam jokes, but Louis just smiles at him.

“Do you have a free next period?” Louis asks, snatching a flying saucer right from under Liam’s gaze.

“Bugger off!” Liam chuckles, sweeping them back into the paper bag and away from prying fingers, “And, no, I’ve got PE. Do you?”

“Nah, but it’s only geography. Wanna come into town with me?” Louis asks and he knows Liam’s answer and the way his brown eyes will get all concerned before he responds.

“Louis,” he sighs, “I just said I have a lesson.”

“PE, schmee ee,” Louis shrugs and Liam rolls his eyes. “Come on, _please_. We’ll be back before second and I need to get a birthday card and something related to ponies for Fiz’s birthday. Pleeease?” he insists, jutting out his bottom lip and giving Liam the best puppy dog face he can muster. Liam will always win the puppy dog face contest though, because he’s undeniably cuter, but it never stops Louis from giving it a shot.

“Alright, fine,” Liam huffs and Louis cheers and hugs his arm tightly.

Liam is the best. “You’re the best.” He tells him.

“I know I am. And let’s go now before form starts because I don’t quite fancy the wholloping from Mr. Khan if he catches us on the way out.” Liam insists and Louis grins, dragging him by the hand and out of the sixth form block, slipping out the school gates before the final bus arrives.

The walk to town from school is little over ten minutes and it takes Louis six minutes of that journey to let go of Liam’s hand. He’s cold, he was just sharing body heat.

“Lou, I swear to god if we get caught skiving I’ll-” Liam begins and Louis shushes him with a little laugh.

“Shut up, you muppet. We’re under no legal obligation to be in school, this is fine.” Louis tells him, and he’d know having bunked a hefty chunk of his own lessons in lower sixth.

“Yeah, but I actually want to pass my AS exams. You’re just a nutter, you are,” Liam says, but as always, follows him all the same.

Louis spends a while in WH Smiths, umming and ahing over whether to get the card completely covered in purple glitter or the one with googley eyes on a pea saying hap-pea birthday. He decides on the punny one in the end and Liam helps him pick out a nice new pencil case and stationary set for his sister, before Louis suggests popping into Costa to get a milkshake.

“Lou, you can’t have a milkshake for breakfast!” Liam tells him, but doesn’t refuse the vanilla one Louis buys for him anyway.

It’s nice as they walk back down the street, hands frozen from milkshakes and the weather outside. It’s one of those days where the sky is completely clear and blue, and if you ignore the naked trees and the icy breeze and the condensation when you breathe out into the cold air it could almost be mistaken for summer.

The sun is low in the sky and orange-y and it pours through the bare branches almost blinding Louis. He squints against it and steps around, changing the side of Liam he’s standing on to use him as his personal sun shade and Liam laughs at him.

It’s such a good laugh and it makes Louis feel all warm, and when he looks up at Liam with his best cheeky grin he’s almost blinded by how the light hits Liam’s skin and makes his eyes look brighter and his face look softer- more than how he was blinded by the sun.

“You’re such a git,” Liam smiles, taking a sip of his mostly melted milkshake through the straw and Louis’ smile grows of it’s own accord and he stops walking.

Liam takes a step before he notices Louis isn’t following him and he stops, turning to face Louis and the sun stays behind him making him practically a silhouette. “You coming back to school, or what?”

Louis nods and laughs, “Uh, course,” he says, and steps forward to Liam and he doesn’t know why he does it. He has no bloody idea what in his body compelled him to do it. But he pauses and raises on his toes slightly, because Liam may be younger but he’s almost always been taller, and presses his mouth to Liam’s quickly. And Liam tastes sweet like vanilla and Louis physically drops himself down onto his feet again and turns away from Liam before he sees his reaction, walking back down towards the school gates, “Come on then. There’s lessons you probably want to go to. Let’s go.” he says, ignoring the way his lungs feel two times too big for his ribcage.

 

 

Louis tactfully ignores Liam the rest of the day by loudly drawing himself to be the centre of everyone else’s attention. He’s being a knob and he knows he is, but he needs to do something to stop himself thinking about how fit Liam looks when he’s upset. And he feels bad because he knows he’s the reason Liam is upset- and because he’s pretty sure Liam was going to ask that Tara girl out- and because Liam never handles Louis being a twat well- and because Louis kissed him and he’s a boy and Louis is a boy and...    

But mates kiss each other. He’s kissed Liam on the cheek before when he was going away to his grandparents’ for summer and Louis knew how much he was gonna miss him, and he’s kissed Liam’s arm before when he sprained it during boxing, and he’s kissed Liam’s forehead before when he missed out on the GCSE biology grade he needed to take it in sixth form. He’s kissed Liam lots of times. Mates kiss each other all the time. They do.

And maybe Louis tactfully ignores Liam until the end of the week. He’s just really busy with his coursework and revision. His phone is crap and it’s not his fault he can only answer one of the messages. It’s all fine.

Friday night Louis cooks spaghetti hoops on toast for his sisters and collapses into the sofa with one of Mark’s beers (he never minds), settling the telly channel on Waterloo Road even though he’s missed the last two series and has no idea who any of the new characters are, waiting for his mum and Mark to get in from work.

His mum shoos the girls off to bed when she gets in and comes in to the front room to sit with him on the sofa.

“How was sixth form today?” she asks and he shrugs, turning down the volume on the telly.

“Alright, I s’pose.” he says and she looks at him with almost sympathy. 

“Alright? You just seem a bit down the last few days, is all,” she says.

Louis tears his eyes away from the screen and shifts to properly face her, “Yeah, Mum, it was fine. Just got mocks coming up and everything,”

“Okay,” his mum says quietly, “You not going out with Liam or the lads this weekend?” and Louis must visibly react because she continues quickly, “Oh, hun, you’ve not had a falling out with Liam, have you? Is that why you’re upset?”

“I’m not upset, Mum,” Louis insists. “Honestly. Liam’s fine.”

“Alright, alright,” Jay settles. “Just checking. A mother worries, you know.”

“Mhmm, I do know.” Louis says and Jay laughs at him quietly.

“You look shattered, Lou, why don’t you jump into bed?”

Louis nods, handing the remote control over to her and putting the empty beer bottle on the coffee table, “Yeah, you’re right. Night, mum,” he says, standing and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

He drags himself upstairs and sweeps all his textbooks off of his bed to the small space of floor and pulls his shirt off, getting ready for bed. He catches sight of his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he’s brushing his teeth and wow it turns out he does have bags under his eyes. He’s so over tired, he just needs a good nights kip and he’ll be fine.

Making his way back into his room he flops onto his bed and reaches up to turn down the light until all that’s left is the glowing from his phone in the pitch black on his face. He’s got one unread text message, from Liam, and bracing himself he opens it.

_think im gonna ask her out proper tmrw ,thought id tell u b4_

Louis locks it quickly without replying and shoves it under his pillow, rolling onto his side. He’s not entirely sure why he feels like he wants to cry as he falls asleep.

 

 

 

On Monday he manages to force himself to face Liam in the sixth form library, convinced that he’ll have forgotten about it by now.

“Congrats on your girlfriend,” Louis says to him, nudging his side as they sit at a desk at the back, Liam still trying to help Louis with preparing for uni interviews should he get any. He’d fallen in love with the course he’d seen at an open day at Surrey the other week, and figures he should probably start making an effort to get prepared.

Liam looks at him and smiles, “Thanks, bro.” he says and Louis ducks his head and goes back to looking at his list of stuff to be prepared for.

“How’d you ask?” he asks.

“I just invited her out to Costa and asked her out over tea.” Liam tells him and Louis does not frown. It’s not because Costa is his and Liam’s place for over-priced tea dates- because he doesn’t react- schooling his face into a smile.

“Dead romantic, that is.”

“Shove off,” Liam laughs quietly and nudges Louis back a little harder. “How was your weekend anyway?”

Louis seriously contemplates for a moment telling him about how irrationally lonely he felt- to the point where he actually started to do his homework. He contemplates telling him how he’d had to explain to Fizzy that his mum and Mark weren’t upset with _her_ on her birthday on Sunday. He wonders what Liam would say if he’d spent the weekend thinking about what a lucky girl Tara must be. He doesn’t. “It was pretty standard. Boring.” he says, clicking onto another colour on his Biro pen.

“Don’t tell me I’m turning into the interesting one in this relationship, Lou!” Liam laughs and Louis leans over and draws a dick on Liam’s textbook just because.

“Shut up. You wish,” he says.

“You never know,” Liam says and waggles his eyebrows and Louis does _not_ find it endearing. God, he’s fit. 

“Yeah, you never know,” Louis begins, “you might actually get laid.”

Liam squawks and shoves Louis’ hand away from vandalising his work more, “Oi! Tosser.”

The librarian angrily looks up from her desk over her half moon glasses at the pair of them and shushes them violently with a finger to her lips and a glare.

“Tut, tut, Leem.” Louis whispers smugly and Liam just buries his head in Louis’ shoulder and giggles, and Louis feels his chest inflate. It’s been less than a week and he’s missed this and the way it makes his heart jump and Louis runs a hand through Liam’s slightly curly hair, the realisation that, bugger, he just wants to kiss him again now. It’s probably just because he’s missed him.

 

 

Louis feels bad that he’s happy when two weeks later Liam tells him he broke up with the girl. Really, Louis never warmed to her much in the first place and it did sort of mean that Liam had been spending more time with her at school than with him. And Liam was _his_ best mate, it’s perfectly rational to feel that way.

He decides to bring Liam out with the lads again, Friday nights are expensive but Liam needs it despite his protests, and Louis insists it will help him feel better.

Only halfway through the night Louis is already far too plastered to find his brain to mouth filter or the beat of the song he’s currently dancing to. Zayn has found a pretty girl to become attached to, Niall is lost somewhere in the crowd, Harry has promised to return to Louis as soon as possible from the bar with more shots and Liam… well Louis lost him some time ago.

He’s sure he’ll be okay, though. The songs change and Louis keeps swaying, dancing more on his own than with anyone else, until Harry makes his way back through the dance floor with a shot glass in each hand.

“Cheers, Harold,” Louis says behind a hiccup, holding his glass in the air to clink it with Harry’s and sloshing half it down his shirt in the process, “Three… two… one.”

He downs the half he has left before tilting his chin down to look at the patch on his shirt. “Shit.” he grumbles, “Here, hold this,” he shoves the glass back into Harry’s hand before stumbling towards where he thinks the toilets are in order to clean himself up.

The lights are bright and the music dulls down to a soft thud as the door swings shut and Louis is about to head to the sink to try and wipe off his shirt before it gets sticky, but theres one other person in here and..

“Liaaamm! There you are!” Louis beams and throws his hands up in the air.

Liam smiles sadly back at him and Louis can’t have that, so he goes to pinch Liam’s arm but Liam grabs his hand before he can manage it, and Louis’ reflexes aren't as quick when he’s drunk. “Hey, Lou.”

“Why are you hiding in the loo? Why aren’t you out drinking with _me_?” Louis complains and settles for prodding Liam’s chest. It’s a very nice chest.

“You know I don’t like it,” Liam replies and Louis pouts. Actually pouts. He’s not in control of his facial expressions right now.

“But,” Louis says, “you can’t just hide. Drink, Leemo, dance.” he grabs hold of Liam’s hand and lifts his arm in the air, spinning himself under it to demonstrate his dance.

“Louis…”

“No! No, you can’t be sad. You’re not allowed to be sad.” Louis is serious- the worst thing in the world is a sad Liam. “Just come and do another shot with me. You’ll forget about the girl.”

“Louis, I don’t want to forget really, I’m gonna stay sober…” Liam tries but Louis isn’t having any of that.

“You don’t need her though,” he tells him, looking up. “Just me. You’ve got me.”

“I know I do, mate, but-” 

“Shush,” Louis says and steps right up close to Liam, who’s leaning against the wall, his hair slightly fallen out of place and his t-shirt tight across his chest- his very nice chest- and lips stupidly pink and it makes Louis’ stomach feel all fluttery. Fuck, he fancies him so bad right now. “You’ve got me.” he mumbles quietly and then pushes into Liam to crash his mouth against his. Liam’s mouth is hot and soft and Louis’ brain is a litany of _this-is-liam-and-hes-so-hot-and-im-snogging-him-and-hes-a-boy_ as he tries to part his lips only Liam isn’t kissing him back- he’s just frozen until Louis feels hands on his shoulders gently pushing him away and he breaks from Liam with a whine. He’s so smashed.

“Louis,” Liam says quietly and Louis doesn’t wait for Liam to probably hit him.

“I need more drinks. I’m going to the bar. You coming?” he rushes to the door, asking Liam who shakes his head, before disappearing back out into the crowd of the club and wondering what the fuck he just did.

 

 

Louis wakes up with only half an hour left of the morning feeling like his brain has been liquified and his stomach is trying to leave his body and annoyingly, he remembers most of last night, up to and including the bit where he realised he fancies Liam and tried to snog him. He still wants that though, even now when he’s sober and only half alive, he still wants to kiss Liam again and even more and that’s probably not very straight.

He eventually emerges in the kitchen just before noon, cocooned in his duvet as he sticks the kettle on, the sound of CBeebies on the telly drifting through from the front room when his mum walks in from the garden carrying the washing basket piled high.

“Look who’s up,” she says, dumping the basket on the counter as Louis pours a cuppa for her too.

“Mmgh,” Louis grumbles, blowing on his tea and taking a sip. 

“I need to have a word with you in a minute, love, alright?” she asks, starting to fold up little pairs of pink t-shirts and school uniforms from where they’re all crumpled.

Louis already feels ill enough and he doesn’t particularly like the sound of ‘having a word’ when he’s not trying to keep his insides inside. “What about?” he croaks.

“I meant it the other day, Louis. I do worry about you. You’ve not been right lately and don’t think I can’t tell,” she says and Louis sighs huffily before sipping more of his tea. “Louis,” she warns. “I’m being serious. I know you’re under a lot of stress right now but you’re not the only one, alright? It’s bad enough having to juggle everything I’ve got on my plate already without being worried about what drunken state my eldest is going to return in. And this isn’t the first time.”

Louis shrugs, he’s _really_ not in the mood for this. “Don’t worry about me, then.”

“Christ, Lou, don’t you get started with me.” His mum raises her voice a little and Louis just wants to go back to bed and not remember preferably the last four years of his life.

“I’m not getting started!” Louis argues back, even though that’s definitely starting something.

“Oi, watch your tone, young man. And I know you’ve been smoking too.”

Louis actually does roll his eyes then. He feels guilty, his mum doesn’t deserve this. But he’s pissed off about more than one thing already without her getting on his case too. “So?” he quizzes her. “I am old enough to make my own choices. I’m practically an adult.”

Jay puts down the school shirt she was folding and looks at him sternly. “Well bloody act like one then. You’re not acting like someone who’s ready to go off to uni in a couple of terms.”

Louis huffs and wanders over to drop his empty mug in the sink, “Is this conversation quite over yet?” he asks.

“For now.” she says and Louis lugs himself and his duvet nest into the front room and onto the sofa, nicking the remote from the armrest where Phoebe is sitting on the carpet colouring and ignoring her TV programme, turning over to find a football match to watch or something.

“Heey. Lou- _eee_!” she moans, looking back at him and scowling.

He ignores her. He needs to ignore everything for a while. Try and get his head straight- which it definitely is not when he keeps thinking back to how he wants to kiss Liam again and kiss his dick and - oh, that bit is new. He tilts his head back to the back of the chair and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and listening to the commentator yell, “What a shot!”, not caring that he’s missed the goal.

“Louis. Louis, you’re not even watching!” Phoebe complains, standing in front of him when he opens his eyes with her hands on her hips.

“I am now,” he says, looking past her and at the screen. Except he’s not thinking about the match. He’s thinking about something else.

“You weren’t though. You were going to sleep and Mummy’s annoyed with you.” Phoebe rambles, high pitched. “I was watching my telly first and you aren’t even paying attention-”

Louis tries to ignore her, but he’s so frustrated he doesn’t think when he snaps, “Just fuck off Phoebs, alright? I’m not in the mood.”

He knows the way her eyes widen with shock before he turns to look at her and sees her lower lip quivering and her shoulders fall.

“Shit. Sorry, girly, I didn’t mean to shout.” He feels awful. Phoebe is sniffing, hiccuping quietly as she cries, falling to the floor cross-legged.

He leans forward and heaves her up onto his lap, “I’m sorry, darl, I’m not really mad at you.” he says, pushing her hair off her face and trying to get her to look him in the eye.

“Lou, you can watch football, I-” she says shakily and Louis shushes her, changing the channel back to bloody CBeebies. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry, I am.” he uses the corner of his duvet to wipe her eyes for her and she sniffs and nods, snuggling into his chest. “We can go into town later, yeah? I’ll buy you some sweets and make it up to you.”

“Pick’n’mix?” she asks, looking up at him with big blue eyes and he nods.

“If you want.”

Louis makes himself vaguely presentable for the outside world and takes his sister out shopping that afternoon, as promised. He buys her her pick’n’mix even when the total on the scale adds up to more than he can really afford to spend and she can manage to eat, and buys her and Daisy little pink and purple beaded bracelets that Phoebe saw in a pair for two quid.

It’s good being outside, the cold and grey weather clearing his head slightly as Phoebe holds onto his hand, nattering away about the paper maché cat she was making at primary school and how she wanted it to be a sparkly cat. It gives him a chance to think, mostly about Liam, and mostly about the fact Liam is a boy, and quite a bit about the fact that the boy part doesn’t nearly scare him so much as the Liam part. 

Boys are quite nice. Boys are the likes of David Beckham and Leonardo DiCaprio and others Louis really quite likes in ways he’s always thought but never really noticed before. But Liam… Liam is his best mate. Liam laughs at his stupid jokes even when they’re not funny (which most of the time they aren’t). Liam is the first person Louis goes to when he needs to talk to someone. Liam is the first person Louis trusts and the person who makes him feel safest. He’s the person who always greets him with a smile no matter what and the one person outside his family in the whole universe that Louis doesn’t have to pretend to be cool around. Liam is so beautiful and strong and fit and Louis fancies him so, _so_ much.

He has to sit down for a moment.

He stops and slowly sinks onto a bench in the middle of the high street next to a bus stop and Phoebe protests about going to another toy shop but hops up next to him anyway. He needs his heart rate to slow down a moment.

“Louis? Are you alright?” Phoebe asks beside him and Louis nods quickly.

“Yeah, uh-yeah. I’m fine, Phoebs.” he says and exhales slowly before standing up as the bus arrives, “Let’s get home now, shall we?” he asks and Phoebe doesn’t ask any further questions, bounding up the steps of the bus as soon as the door slides open and Louis tries to just get on with his day.

When they reach the front door at home, Louis can hear shouting from inside before his sister reaches up on her tippy toes to ring the doorbell. The shouting stops and Mark opens the door, looking worn but smiling at the kids nonetheless and Phoebe hurries upstairs to show Daisy the bracelets they bought.

“Is everything okay?” Louis asks, worry starting to bubble up inside him.

“It’s fine, really.” Mark tells him and Louis doesn’t ask any further questions. “Stick the kettle on, why don’t you?” he says and Louis obliges, going into the kitchen to see his mum sitting at the table, head in her hands.

“Mum…” he begins as the kettle starts to boil noisily. “I’m sorry for earlier… and for before. I’ll help out more, I promise.”

Jay looks up and at him sadly, shaking her head with a small smile. “Come here, divvy,” she opens her arms and Louis walks over to hug her as she’s sitting down, resting his cheek on her head. “I’m not mad at you.” she moves back. “You’re my boy and I love you unconditionally, okay? I just want you to be happy.”

“I know.” Louis says. He does know. He’s so lucky to have his mother and his whole family, however chaotic they prove themselves to be and he wouldn’t change them for the world. “You’re alright, though, aren’t you, Mum?

“I will be, hun.” she says, “As long as you’re happy.”

 

 

*

 

 

The sun has finally decided to make an appearance in the country, though without making difference on the shitty temperature, when Louis stands out in the garden helping Mark shift out a lot of the useless crap they have in the garage, piling it up against the fence. 

“Good save, lad,” Mark says as Louis manages to catch a falling spade from crashing onto his sister’s little bike with tassels on the handle bars. 

Louis laughs and goes back to carrying out boxes of empty paint tins that should’ve been thrown in the bin years ago and old broken baby supplies from when the girls were diddy. 

“Can I ask you something?” Louis starts, wiping his forehead with his sleeve and slumping against the wall of the garage for a pause, “You and Mum are okay, aren’t you?”

Mark doesn’t reply for a minute, disappearing into the garage and returning with another box, dumping it down before responding, “I think you already know the answer and you won’t take to it much.”

“Oh,” Louis says, looking down. 

“Hey, hey,” Mark says, nudging him to get his attention. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, alright? I do love you and the girls so much, and I do love your mum, but we’re just not exactly in love any more and struggles are taking their toll but it’s not for you to stress out about, you hear me?”

Louis nods and it breaks his heart a little to hear what he’d already guessed. “How d’you… how do you even know if you’re _in_ love, though?”

“It’s like,” Mark begins, thinking for a moment. “It’s like having a best friend who you want to have sex with.” He says and Louis wrinkles his nose and laughs. 

“Ugh, not about my mum.” He quickly gets rid of that mental image and Mark laughs gently with him.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly, “But no, it is like having someone who knows you inside out, and who you know inside out. Someone who makes it feel like every second not spent by their side is a second gone to waste. Who you like to see naked as much as you like to see curled up next to you asleep… who you’re never unhappy to see and who won’t leave your mind alone for a split second. It is literally like having a best mate you’re physically attracted to, too.”

Louis is silent for a long, long time. “Huh,” he says eventually and feels a rock wedge within his chest. “Sounds complicated,” he settles for in the end. 

Mark laughs at him again and steps back to bend down and return to picking up boxes that need to be binned. “No, Lou. It’s the simplest thing in the world.”

 

 

Louis sits in geography with his head cupped in his hands staring at a model on the whiteboard that is supposed to represent tourism or something… he wasn’t really paying attention. It’s just. He’s in love with Liam. And it _does_ sound so simple, despite the way it’s making his heart ache. 

Liam is his best mate, and Louis want’s to see him naked, and he is in love with him.

He feels hollow inside, pointlessly scribbling a doodle on the front of his folder that if you squint could probably be a misshapen heart. Love is such a terrifying word, but it makes sense and Louis reckons he should probably tell someone about the fact he fancies a boy someday soon.

“Tomlinson, what are some of the environmental impacts extreme tourism can have on places like Antarctica?” Mr. Jenkins snaps Louis out of his thoughts.

“Sorry, what did you say, Sir?” Louis blinks up, back in the present moment.

“ _Listen_ , Tomlinson. If you even want to pass your A Levels. Now,” Jenkins turns back to the board, “on page ninety six there are statistics on-”

Louis zones out again, staring into space and mentally repeating to himself: _I fancy boys. I’m in love with Liam. I need to tell someone,_ until the clock ticks by and Louis becomes aware of everyone else packing away their stuff and starting to filter out the classroom, so he follows suit, ducking his head down and heading over towards the common room. 

“What’s up, tossers?” Louis plasters a grin on his face and tries to lodge the feeling in his chest as he approaches Niall, Harry and Zayn sitting at a round table in the corner.

“Alright, Tommo?” Niall asks as Louis pulls up a chair and sits down. “No Liam today?”

Louis stops himself from frowning before shaking his head, “I haven’t seen him yet this morning.”

“Probably off with that girl I saw him with after assembly yesterday,” Harry shrugs, and Louis freezes midway through getting his Tesco Meal Deal sandwich out of his bag.

“He broke up with Tara weeks ago,” Louis says and Harry shakes his head.

“Nah, he had a new, blonde chick giggling over him.” Harry tells him and Louis still doesn’t move.

“Oh.”

Zayn looks at Louis in confusion, offering him a Hula Hoop, “Did he not tell you? I thought you were always kept up to date on everything that he does.” 

“No,” Louis says, suddenly finding the zip on his bag very interesting. “He didn’t tell me.”

As if on cue Liam walks in right then, a pretty blonde girl laughing at him and subtly touching his arm. Liam’s smiling too and he can see what a lovely smile it is from the other side of the common room. Louis fights the very strong urge he has all of a sudden to hide under the table.

“-and I got an interview for Birmingham,” Harry is saying, “but I don’t think it’s gonna be my first choice.”

“That’s sick,” Niall says, “Tommo what are you gonna do?”

Louis tears his eyes away from Liam pulling a chair out for the girl before sitting himself down next to her. “Huh? Oh, drama… if I go.” Louis says. He’s not interested in this conversation about universities or his future in the slightest.

“Changing your mind about it?” Harry asks and Louis shakes his head. “I thought you were practically in love with Surrey, don’t you want to go any more?”

“I do,” Louis insists, he really, really does. “I want to go so bad. Just might not be able to, might have to take a gap year and get a job or something.” 

Harry nods as if he understands- but he doesn’t- Harry’s family has money and a holiday bungalow in the country and Harry doesn’t have to worry about who’s going to look after his mum and four small girls if he leaves and goes two thirds of the way across the fucking country. 

“Whatever floats your boat,” Harry shrugs and Louis stares down at his sandwich.

“Do you think it will really be that good? Uni, I mean?” he asks.

“Well… yeah,” Niall answers him, “you get to live on your own and meet interesting people. Independence, innit? And you can go out and get wankered every weekend without anyone being on your back about it.”

That does sound nice, and Louis does want to do drama more than anything, particularly the course he’d seen at Surrey, but he doesn’t want to listen to Niall talk about it any more. Not when Liam is sitting on the other side of the room and hasn’t noticed him yet. Not when Liam laughs and leans over to give the girl a kiss on the corner of her mouth. 

He swallows down the lump threatening to rise in his throat and pulls out his phone so he can pretend he’s got something else to look at.

From the table behind them somewhere Louis can hear, over the sound of most of the sixth form’s chatter, a lower sixth lad yell at his friend:

“Oi, gimme my phone back, Trev! Don’t be a f*g.”

Louis wants to go home.

 

 

  

It’s almost ironic, really; the way it pisses down with unrelenting rain after Louis has somehow survived the whole day, realised he forgot his bus money and starts to head home. It gets dark quickly and he’s practically drenched within five minutes, hair plastered to his forehead and puddles splashing up against his ankles. 

He’s going to tell his mum, he’s decided. He’s not going to name names but he needs to talk to someone before it claws away at his insides any more. He doesn’t feel afraid, just sopping and frozen to the bone, but he reckons he can do this.

By the time he reaches his road he’s pretty sure the rain has soaked into his school bag and ruined most of his coursework, turning into the drive and ringing the door bell, again when not one of his lazy sisters can be arsed to get up and open the front door for him.

“Bloody hell, love,” his mum says upon opening the door, looking drained until she sees the state of her son, “this is why I tell you to take a coat.”

Louis laughs as he shivers, quickly pulling off his jumper and uselessly trying to dry his hair with it. “Where’s the girls and Mark?”

“Shoo. Upstairs. Go put some dry clothes on, you wolly,” Jay says, taking the jumper from him and tutting, “and put the ones you’re wearing in the wash basket when you’re done. I’ll go pick the girls up from after school club and Lotts from her friend’s if you make a start on tea, alright?”

“Alright, alright,” Louis agrees, so that’s where the terrors are, going up and into his room to change into some nice clean trackies and a football shirt, leaving his soggy pile of clothes in the bathroom as instructed and going back down to see his mum.

“Mum- if you have a moment-” he begins. He probably should have thought about what he was gonna say. “-can I talk to you later?”

“Sure, honey,” she says as she’s pulling on her coat and fiddling with an umbrella, eventually looking up at him standing on the bottom step. “I need to sit and have a chat with you and the girls this evening, though.”

“Oh,” Louis frowns, “alright. What am I making for tea?”

Jay picks her car keys off of the windowsill and says, “There’s some packets of toad in the hole in the freezer, just pop them in for twenty minutes, we’ll be back in time. See you in a bit,” and with that rushes out the door into the rain thats still hammering away outside.

They come back just as Louis takes the dinner out of the oven and drops each of the toad in the holes onto a plate before they burn his fingers.

“Just in time,” he says, balancing the plates and the jug of gravy into the other room in two journeys. “I made one for Mark, when he gets back. I’ll just stick it in the microwave to keep it safe for now.” 

“Thanks, you’re a star,” his mum tells him, picking up the girls’ abandoned book bags from the hallway floor. “I’ll talk to you and the girls after dinner.”

“Okay,” Louis says, turning on Tracy Beaker for the girls to watch on telly as they settle down to eat.

Daisy starts to bicker with Fizzy about using up the last of the ketchup but Louis ignores them, he’s trying to plan in his head how to tell his mum what he wants to. _I’m in love with a Liam_ doesn’t quite cut it, but neither does _I think I might be gay_ because, well, he’s got off with girls before they’ve just never made him feel quite the way he does about his best friend, maybe _I have a crush on a boy_ is better _and I think some other boys are quite fit too even though I am one._

“Dad’s late home, isn’t he?” Lottie asks as everyone’s practically finishing.

“Yeah, go help do the washing up. And you Fiz. Louis’ done enough today,” his mum says and stands up starting to clear the table as the pair grudgingly carry the clear plates into the kitchen. “But come back in here when you’re done, I need to speak to you!”

“Mum, actually I-” Louis starts, “-I was gonna talk to you on your own.”

“Of course, what is it sweetie?” she asks, gathering the condiments up.

“No,” Louis says, “don’t worry. I’ll wait til after the girls’ bedtime.”

Daisy tries to get her colouring out from the cupboard and shows Louis the picture of the giraffe at a funfair she drew, and he tells her how impressed she is when his mum, Lottie and Fiz eventually finish clearing up.

“Phoebs,” Jay says, sitting everyone down. “You’re gonna have to turn the telly off now.”

Phoebe complies for once and sits up on Lottie’s lap, completely oblivious, and Louis feels anxious as he watches his mum take a deep breath and settle into the armchair.

“Where’s Daddy?” Daisy asks and Louis suddenly gets it.

Jay smiles at her sadly for a moment before she starts, “That’s the thing, Dais, alright? You know how Daddy was staying at Nana’s the other week, well me and him needed some time apart. And, hear me here, because this has absolutely nothing to do with you kids. We both love you so very very much,”

Louis wraps an arm around Daisy and sees Lottie tighten her hold on Phoebe slightly. He doesn’t want her to say it.

“-but we realised things are better when we’re apart. That’s just the way it is for some people...”

Fizzy is sniffing, wiping at her eye roughly with the back of her school jumper, “So... so you’re just splitting up?” she says and Louis admires her trying to keep her voice level. “You’re getting a divorce?”

“Oh Fiz, darling.” Jay says and looks like she wants to hug her. “But yes. Yes we are gonna get a divorce but honestly it isn’t anything to do with you guys.”

“So we can’t see Daddy anymore?” Daisy asks, terrified from beside Louis.

“No, no love, of course you can,” Jay says, getting up to crouch in front of the sofa where they’re all sitting and take Daisy’s hand. “You can see Daddy whenever you want to. Him and Mummy just won’t be living together any more.”

Louis feels a lot like one of his internal organs has been ripped out, and he’s probably partly holding onto his sister to comfort himself more than anything. Mark was his dad - _is_ his dad and Louis never wants his family to change.

“Why not?” Phoebe asks from Lottie’s lap, and Lottie’s expression is completely unreadable. 

The twins don’t get it- of course they don’t- and Louis wishes he didn’t either.

“Some people are just better off without each other.” Jay tells them, as if it was as simple as that, but she knows too that the littluns don’t understand. “You’ll see him tomorrow after school, yeah?”

“Come on, girls,” Lottie says, shifting Phoebe from her legs. She still hasn’t said anything to their mum. “Lets go put our PJ’s on and we can watch Nemo in mine and Fizzy’s room.” She stands up.

“Lott...” Jay starts but Lottie just hugs her tightly as she gets up. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” Lottie says, stepping back and taking one of the twins’ hands, and she looks so much older than eleven right now Louis can’t believe it, “Lets go find the video.” She turns to the girls and they disappear out the room.

“Felicité,” Jay takes her hand, still crouching in front of her, “It’s all going to be alright, you know? It’s not the end of the world. Mum and Dad are just happier this way.”

Fizzy falls forward onto her in a hug, nuzzling into her mum’s hair, “I’m tired,” she mumbles and Jay rubs her back.

“Go up to bed,” she says gently, getting to her feet as Fizzy does. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Fiz says, leaving the room too.

“Mum.” Louis’ voice is barely louder than a whisper, taking her wrist and getting her to sit down next to him. “I’m so sorry.”

Jay laughs quietly and leans into him, it breaks Louis’ heart. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Louis says. He’s not. He wants to cry if he’s quite honest. 

“What was it you wanted to speak to me about earlier?” she asks, looking up at him from where she’s tucked into his side.

“Oh,” Louis had almost forgotten about that. “No… nothing. It’s not important,” he lies.

“Are you sure?”

Louis nods and hugs her. “Yeah. I love you mum,” he says, dropping a kiss to the top of her hair as she tells him she loves him too.

 

 

“Shit, Lou. I’m so sorry,” Liam’s voice is tinny through Louis’ phone as Louis lies on his bed in the pitch black staring at the wall. 

He shrugs before remembering Liam can’t see him, “It’s okay, it’s just… weird y’know.” Liam doesn’t know, but he’ll try to anyway.

“Weird,” Liam repeats, “are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Louis says and clears his throat, “I think so. I guessed it would happen.”

“I’m sorry,” Liam says again and Louis wishes he wasn’t, shifting onto his back and tucking his free hand behind his head.

“It’s not even..” Louis starts, then restarts his sentence, “I’m not even really his son, but I’m gonna miss him as much as the girls do.” he tries to laugh, but it just comes out cold and his eyes start to sting as he blinks up at the ceiling.

“Louis, don’t say that!” Liam’s voice crackles through the receiver, “You are. He is your dad and he practically raised you. Don’t try and make it seem what you’re feeling isn’t completely valid. You’ve got his last name for God’s sake.”

“I-,” Louis stops with a sigh, he kinda just wants Liam to hug him right now and never let go. “Yeah.”

“You’re so brave,” Liam says, “and this whole thing really sucks.”

It does. It really, really does. Louis tries very hard to keep his little sob quiet but apparently it doesn’t work.

“Lou, Lou, please don’t cry,” Liam sounds so gentle and warm and genuinely concerned, “It’ll be okay, you’ll still see him.”

“I know I will,” Louis says, “but I liked my family how it was. I never wanted it to change.” God, he sounds like such a child. “I want mum to be happy and all of us to be happy.”

“I know you do,” Liam says softly. Louis could drift off listening to him. “I know you wanted to be happy.” 

“I’m so tired,” Louis mumbles into the receiver, trying to keep his phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder as he rolls onto his side. 

“Go to sleep, it’ll be easier in the morning, I promise,” Liam tells him.

“Don’t hang up.” Louis says- and Liam doesn’t until Louis falls fast asleep on top of the bedclothes.

 

 

 

It’s odd at sixth form the next day and thank God it’s a Friday. Louis tells Harry and Zayn and Niall, and they’re sympathetic, but nowhere near as comforting as Liam.

He’s kinda got a headache from the stress of it all, but he paints on the best grin he can muster and tries at least to stay relatively cool. He’s not sure his resolve works all that well, but he’s not going to take it out on anyone else. 

People’s parents get divorced _all the time,_ he tells himself. It’s gonna be fine. Liam keeps telling him its gonna be fine and Louis has never wanted to just be held by another person as much as he does now.

It’s all so messy, he thinks. It’s a mess; his head, his family, his heart. 

At some point in the day, in the middle of his drama rehearsal for his final performance, he freezes.

“Louis, come on! Your line. Pay attention.” Ada groans at him, snapping her fingers in front of his face. “We’re on act two, scene three.”

He’s effectively the only lad of the household now, he supposes. He’s the only other barely adult in the house. The only other one who can go out and get a job. As old as Lottie seems at times, she’s _Year Seven_ , she can’t handle three younger sisters when Mum’s working over time. What’s going to happen when he leaves to?

“Louis, fucks sake, man! Act two, scene three!” Ismael whacks his shoulder with his script and Louis looks down dumbly.

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbles, flicking through the pages. “What scene are we on?”

Later, Niall plus ones him to a party as he catches up with him in the common room just as the day is ending.

“I’m not sure about it, I’ll see,” Louis says. He was looking forward to sleeping for a week, to be honest.

“Okay well, it’s tonight at eight thirty,” Niall says, “you just look like you could do with a distraction. Tell me if you change your mind.”

Louis gets home and it’s eerily quiet - he doesn’t like it.

“Mum?” he calls out, dumping his school bag on the end of the banister.

“In the front room!” she calls out and he wanders in to see her ironing; very, very slowly.

“Where are the girls?” he asks.

“They’re at Nana’s to see Mark, they wanted to stay the night with him tonight.” Jay tells him and he sits down on the arm of the sofa, folding up some of the already ironed shirts for her.

“Oh alright,” he says, turning a small school pinafore the right way out.

“I need to start packing some of his stuff for him,” she says and it hits like a blow to the stomach. “He’s found a flat, just a town over.”

“Do you...want any help with that?” Louis isn’t sure what to say other than stating the obvious that apparently this is really happening. 

“No, no. I think I’ll sort it out on my own,” she says, trying to smile at him and setting the iron down. “Why don’t you go out into the hall, see if theres any letters for him Nana can pick up?”

Louis obliges and goes to fetch the pile of letters from the doormat, picking them up and flicking through them.

Bank statement, bank statement, a coupon for Pizza Hut, one for Mark, and… oh, _The University of Surrey_ written in the top corner of an envelope next to a gold stag symbol, addressed to _Mr. L. Tomlinson_.

He rushes back into his mum and hands her all but his letter, leaving them on the ironing board before ducking out the way and up into his room. He sits on the end of his unmade bed and stares at it. It’s okay, he tells himself, he’s got other unis, other options if it all goes tits up. His hands are shaking as he glides open the top of the envelope and takes the letter out, unfolding it carefully.

 

 _Dear Mr. Tomlinson,_ _  
_ _We thank you for your application for our Theatre Studies course in the term commencing this September. After careful review of your application, a number of a great many we received this year, it is with our sincerest regret that we are unable to offer you a conditional place in this course next academic year. Please understand this is no reflection on you as a student or an individual, but because the pool of applicants was most likely very tough. We wish you the best of luck in your A Levels and all future endeavours and more than welcome you to try and apply again in the future, if-_

 

Louis doesn’t finish reading it. Dropping it onto the side he lays backwards on his bed and breathes out shakily. Fuck. Fuckity fuck. He’s not gonna cry...he’s not, he’s done enough of that for a lifetime or so. It’s fine, it’ll be fine.

He really thought he’d had a shot.

He tries to even out his breathing and stop his eyes stinging when he pulls out his phone and texts Niall: _actually bro i think i mite come to that party  , whats the address ??_

 

 

 

Christ, he’s drunk. He’d managed to catch a lift with Niall eventually, having pre-drinks in the passenger seat of the car on the way over there. He doesn’t explicitly tell Niall about the letter, but the way he shuts down questions probably more than confirms it for Niall.

As of now he’s kissed two maybe three people. He’s not sure. Also at least one was male, the guy with cute stubble and a leather jacket, and he feels nothing but happy about it. He manages to spill his eighth or odd drink when he stumbles into nothing whilst trying to pour another into his little plastic cup.

It’s an hour and a half later until Niall realises he should probably send Louis home. He calls a taxi for Louis and tells him not to move from the arm chair in the front room. Louis nods, chin dropping to his chest while everyone is fawning all over everyone else as the music attempts to burst their ear drums. 

He’s so pissed. Smashed. Completely off his head. He can’t remember what he did two seconds ago, nor even what part of the county he’s in when the taxi pulls up.

He’s not sure why he tells the taxi driver Liam’s address either.

 

 

It’s only around half eleven when Louis is standing on Liam’s front door step, having given every last penny he had on him to the taxi driver, and shivering as he realised he left his bloody jacket at the party.

Thank fuck it’s Liam who opens the door, and as soon as he lays eyes on Louis his face goes into that concerned puppy dog expression that melts Louis on the inside.

“Are your parents in?” Louis asks.

“I’m home alone. Lou, what...” Liam looks so confused, holding the door open and frozen. “Are you drunk?”

“Maybe.” Louis nods. “Yes.”

“Come indoors you nutter, it’s freezing out here,” Liam says, and he has to actually drag Louis over the threshold to be able to shut the door. Louis hopes he doesn’t let go because he’s his only real source of stability right now. “Let’s go get you a jumper,” Liam leads him upstairs into his room, and Louis flops onto the bed as Liam rummages in the wardrobe, eventually throwing a hoodie at him and coming to sit down beside him.

“Thanks,” Louis says, his head stuck in the neck hole of the hoodie and his arms all tangled. It smells like Liam.

Liam tuts and helps him put it on, smiling sadly when Louis thanks him again.

“Lou, what’s going on?” he asks, holding onto Louis’ arm still.

“I didn’t,” Louis says. He’s too drunk. “I didn’t get in.”

“To Surrey? Oh, Lou…” Liam says, voice laced with sympathy and thats not what Louis wants at all. He doesn’t want sympathy from Liam, he just wants Liam to make everything better. 

“Yeah,” Louis says, he feels that lump in his throat again and is too out of his mind to stop the tears. “Shit.”

“Come here,” Liam says, pulling Louis into a hug. He’s soft and warm and has such lovely strong arms, Louis’ head hurts. He is in so deep.

“Make it all not crap, Leem. Make all the poxy stuff go away,” he mumbles into Liam’s chest. He’s getting tears onto Liam’s top but Liam just strokes a hand through his hair.

“Shhh,” Liam keeps holding on and it’s _killing_ Louis, he’s not aware of anything that’s going on, his brain feels detached from his body and he can’t form proper sentences, but he knows Liam’s got him.

“Make it all not shit,” he says with a hiccup.

Liam hums and pushes Louis back so he can look at him directly, chestnut eyes scanning over his face and eyebrows drawn together anxiously. “I wish I could, mate, you don’t deserve any of this.”

It feels like all Louis’ senses have clouded over, particularly common sense, when he blinks up at Liam through water rimmed eyes. Liam’s so gorgeous and sweet and Louis is so drunk and sad. “I think boys are fit.” is what he says.

Liam keeps on looking at him for a moment with the same expression on his face, “That’s okay.”

“Okay.” Louis says quietly and ducks his head down. Liam’s jumper is too big on him but it’s warm and Louis wants to be able to stop crying and just pass out.

“Why don’t I put you to bed? I’ll text your mum, let her know you’re here,” Liam says, taking his phone and presumably texting Jay.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Louis says, half-slurred. “I don’t think… I would’ve not been able to go even if I had got on the course.”

Liam puts his phone down and shakes his head, holding onto Louis’ arm, “Why’d you say that?”

“I’m like the only other one who can earn money now. I wouldn’t be able to leave mum with the girls on her own,” he admits and Liam looks like he wants to cry too, but doesn’t, obviously. Which sort of just makes Louis’ tears start again and he really needs to stop.

Liam sighs and rubs his thumb over Louis’ elbow. “I’m sorry, still.” He says.

“S’not your fault,” Louis says and he’s staring at Liam’s face yet he can’t stop. He leans over the small gap between them and kisses Liam again, knowing he probably tastes like cheap Co-Op’s own vodka, and closes his eyes. His eyelashes are wet and Liam can probably feel them on his cheeks but he’s not pushing away, nor is he kissing Louis back.

Louis retracts an inch and says, looking at Liam’s pink and bloody gorgeous mouth and feeling a twist in his gut, “You don’t have to kiss me. You can push me away, you know.”

“If this is what you need,” Liam all but whispers.

Louis goes in again, kissing him tentatively and unsure, because Liam still isn’t kissing him back, but he’s not objecting either. He’s probably too intoxicated for it to be a very good kiss, he’s sure, but he manages to get Liam to part his lips so Louis can fucking kiss him properly, even if Liam’s not really trying.

His heart is beating so hard because even in the state he’s in he’s hyper-aware of the fact it’s _Liam_ he’s kissing. It’s all going straight to his dick and he’s not sure why. His eyes still burn from crying and his stomach is still turning from the alcohol and his chest is still hurting because Liam’s never going to love him the same way, and if Liam’s letting him have this then he’ll take it, as he slowly pushes Liam back so he’s lying on top of him on the bed, leg’s bracketing Liam’s hips, and presses his half-hard dick into Liam’s thigh.

Liam doesn’t do anything, just moves his hands to hold onto Louis’ hips and keeps on letting him kiss him as his dick nudges Liam’s thigh. Louis kinda wishes he’d grab his arse, really, but he’s not exactly thinking straight. None of this is straight, actually.

“God,” he breathes, rolling his hips slightly against Liam’s. “You… you should stop me… if I should...” Louis mutters into Liam’s jaw, keeping his hips moving as he reattaches their lips. 

The friction feels so fucking good it makes him whimper, and he drops his forehead to Liam’s, eyes shut, dick hard and aching as he grinds against him. 

It takes Louis stuttering out Liam’s name, gasping for him to do something before Liam cautiously palms against Louis’ bulge once, twice, until Louis is coming in his jeans and dropping his head to Liam’s shoulder with a whine.

“Fuck,” he mumbles. He just came in his pants on top of Liam. Liam didn’t even get off. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” He forces himself not to cry again.

“It’s okay. Really.” Liam says, and kisses the top of his head, carding his hands through Louis’ tousled fringe. Louis is so exhausted and his head hurts. 

Liam rolls him off onto the bed next to him, then wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him in gently. Louis nuzzles into Liam’s side and sighs “okay”, before the drinks catch up with him and he pretty much passes out.

 

 

*

 

Louis’ brain is trying to burst out of his skull when he wakes up the next morning in a pair of Liam’s pyjama bottoms, Liam’s hoodie and in Liam’s bed. He has no clue how he got here, the last thing his memory can retrieve is a blurry scene of being sat in the passenger seat of Niall’s car because…

Oh, yeah. He didn’t get in.

Liam’s nowhere to be found until Louis hears the hum of the power shower and him singing quietly from the bathroom. Louis decides to stumble downstairs, try and get a glass of water before he has to ask Liam what the bloody hell he’s doing here.

“Morning Louis, are you feeling better?” Karen is washing up in the kitchen by the time Louis enters trying not to trip over the too long legs of Liam’s PJs.

“Not really, thank you for letting me stay,” he says and Karen takes off her washing up gloves.

“Liam told me about what happened with Mark and with your university,” she says, walking across the room to envelope him in a warm hug, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Louis mumbles into her apron, he seems to be telling people that a lot recently. If only he could believe it himself.

Karen sighs and lets him go, “Come on,” she says, flicking on the kettle, “Let’s fix you a cuppa and I’ll make you a bacon sarnie while Liam gets out the bathroom.” 

Louis is sitting huddled over his tea and nibbling at the edge of his sarnie when Liam comes downstairs with slightly damp hair and pink cheeks, smiling carefully at Louis and throwing him off guard before moving to take his own breakfast from his mum.

Liam sits at the opposite end of the table, eating quietly and not saying much to Louis and it’s slightly unnerving. The phone rings in the hallway and Karen rushes to answer.

“You feeling better?” he asks eventually and Louis grunts slightly in response.

“Nah, you?”

Apparently that’s not the answer Liam was looking for as he frowns and nods, “Louis, do you not remember when you came here?”

Louis furrows his brow and tilts his head in confusion, “Am I meant to? I don’t even really remember the party, to be honest with you-”

“Louis,” Karen comes in, phone extended as far as it will on the cord, “It’s your mum.”

Louis shrugs his shoulders as he pushes the chair back and goes out into the hallway to take the phone off Karen.

“Hi, Mum,” he says.

“Hi sweetie, are you alright?” she sounds tired.

“Yeah I’m at Liam’s,” he says dumbly.

She laughs quietly at him, “I was worried about you, you know. I found the letter on your bed, darling, I’m so sorry. I know how much you loved it.”

Louis tries to school his voice into something neutral, “I’ll be okay. I’m not even sure I want to go uni at all, besides,” he lies.

“It’s your future and you can do whatever you’re comfortable with, alright? Are you coming home soon?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be on my way.”

Louis thanks Karen and Liam for letting him stay, trying not to focus on how awkward Liam went when Louis tried to hug him, and makes his way home, dead on his feet and attempting not to be sick on the side of the pavement.

The house is filled with the racket of the girls rushing around which does nothing for his headache when he arrives home. His mum hugs him as soon as he walks through the door and kisses the side of his head.

“Don’t scare me like that again.”

Louis smiles ruefully, “I’m sorry.”

She rubs his back and lets go, “Can’t get anything right without my little- well; all grown up- man of the household.” She smiles back at him and it eases some of the crappy feeling anyway. “I think we both just need to keep busy for now, alright?”

Louis nods, he can deal with that. “Yeah, okay.”

“Come and bring some of your homework down here and I can do the ironing while we both watch Only Fools. I’ll make you some tea.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Louis nods, and he feels a little bit better already.  

 

 

 

Liam’s clearly avoiding him. It’s nearly been ten days and Liam has perhaps spoken four words to him. 

Louis can deal with it. He can. He’s not sitting there in every single one of his free periods practically staring at Liam as he laughs and blushes and looks generally, unfairly fit around his other friends.

“Have a fight or something?” Zayn asks, slipping into the seat next to Louis.

“I don’t know,” Louis shrugs, looking down at his blank page of script annotations he was supposed to be focused on. “He’s just kind of avoiding me.”

Zayn doesn’t reply for a moment, splitting half of his panini from the canteen with Louis and eating quietly. “Why don’t you just talk to him, then?”

“Because, Zayn, because I have to… I- I don’t know.” Louis settles on. He doesn’t have a reason.

“What have you got to lose if you go and talk to him, compared to what you’ll lose if you don’t?” Zayn says, and Louis is shellshocked, only Zayn has gone back to playing bubble burster on his phone and isn’t really paying attention anymore.

Louis finds Liam in the sixth form library, sitting by himself and frowning adorably at a book, at lunch time. Liam doesn’t even notice him coming until he’s practically standing right in front of him.

“Can I talk to you?” Louis asks with no idea why his heart is beating so fast.

“Um, I’m kind of busy,” Liam says, slowly closing his book as Louis sits down anyway.

“No but I really need to talk to you,” Louis insists and Liam sighs. “Why are you blanking me so much these days?”

“I’m not, Lou, I’m just really busy,” Liam looks pissed off, bored, even.

“Don’t bullshit me, please. Please just tell me what I did wrong?” Louis argues.

“I don’t know, Louis. Maybe you should ask yourself that question.”

“Why are you being like this?” Louis can feel himself getting agitated, he almost wants to shout but he doesn’t. “Why won’t you speak to me? I’ve already watched one person I love walk out my life and I’m not prepared to watch another. Please just tell me what I did. Whatever it is, I’m sorry, alright?”

Liam sighs again, and looks at him for a long moment. “Do you honestly not remember?”

“Remember what?” Louis can’t help himself from raising his voice. “I was so drunk. I’m sorry for whatever shitty thing I said. I am.”

“Nothing, nothing,” Liam looks down, defeated. “Don’t worry. I- I’m sorry too.”

“Can we just go back to normal? Back to Liam and Louis?” Louis asks with a hopeful smile, and his heart flutters when Liam smiles back at him.

“Back to Liam and Louis.”

 

 

The youngest girls aren’t really registering what has happened, even after a few weeks, and it’s making Louis upset as much as it’s driving him round the bend. He helps Mark move most of his stuff into his new flat, goes down the pub with him once and that’s all he sees him in the fortnight since it happened. 

At least things are getting back to relatively normal with Liam- or, well, he’s trying to get them back, it’s a bit hard now he’s realised he never wants Liam to wear clothes again. And Liam’s still a bit stand offish at times, freezing up when Louis hugs him for too long, not quite laughing as much as he used to at Louis. Maybe he’s caught on to the fact Louis loves him more than he should, maybe he doesn’t know how to let Louis down gently, maybe it hurts Louis’ head trying to figure it out.

Louis has been looking into gap years too. It might be worth it, now he’s thinking about it. He would have a year to save up some cash, help his mum out and maybe get a little more experience. It’s an idea worth considering, at least.

Liam helps Louis babysit when he can. The girls adore him, he’s pretty sure they’d trade Louis for Liam in a heartbeat, but he can’t bring himself to care when Liam is so earnestly acting out playing emergency vets with the twins.

“Louis, come on, Kitty’s broken her hand,” Phoebe insists, waving the front paw of her cuddly cat in his direction, and Louis doesn’t point out that technically cat’s don’t have hands.

“Yeah, Lou, come on,” Liam says, wrapping the stuffed paw up very carefully in loo roll.

“Alright, bossy,” Louis rolls his eyes but grins nonetheless, “Nurse Daisy, we’re going to need CPR over here, come on we’re losing her!” he pokes at the chest of a cuddly rabbit toy, beckoning Daisy over.

“Louis, you’re hurting her like that,” she tugs the rabbit out of his hands and puts her ear to it’s chest.

“Gosh, Louis!” Liam pretends to complain, and grins at him from where he’s got a toy tiger sitting on his lap, and Louis can’t help smile back as big as he can, chest inflating with feeling.

“Alright, alright. I can see my nursing skills aren’t up to scratch. I’m just gonna check how Lottie’s getting on with her maths homework. Anyone want any biscuits when I come back?” He gets to his feet off his knees and puts the plastic stethoscope on the carpet. 

“Chocolate digestives!” Phoebe calls out.

“Custard creams, _pleeeaase_ ,” Liam blinks up at Louis from his position on the floor where he’s sitting crosslegged and smiling at Louis like a cheeky five year old asking for pudding before they’ve finished their dinner.

“Alright, _children,_ ” Louis sighs and Liam sticks his tongue out at him. Louis can’t even have any inappropriate thoughts about that, he just wants to love Liam as long as he’s breathing.

 

 

“Mum,” Louis starts, when the girls have long since gone to bed that evening and Liam has gone home, sitting on the sofa watching Eastenders with the volume practically on silent. “Do you remember when… actually- don’t worry.”

“No, go on, love, what’s up?” Jay asks, putting her tea down precariously on a coaster on the carpet. “Do I remember what?”

Louis takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself, he’s not scared just- “Do you remember when you told us that you were getting a divorce- that day- and I had something to tell you before but…but I didn’t?”

His mum frowns a little and looks at him, “Of course. What is it?”

“It’s just that- well I was gonna tell you- and then, well, then obviously we were distracted. We all were. And I- well, mostly me, I was busy all after that as well. There’s just been a lot of stress and I haven’t had a chance to, like, plan what I wanted to say,” Louis sighs, “but I might as well tell you. I want to. I don’t really know, to be honest, but, like, I don’t want to not tell you.” He’s rambling he knows he is. His hands feel all sweaty and he rubs his palms on his joggers.

“Louis...    what is it?” Jay asks, and she looks genuinely concerned. “Is it to do with school? Uni? Don’t worry about it, honey, I’ve already told you I’m proud enough that you even stayed on for A Levels. I can speak to your head of sixth if the work is too much-”

“No. No, it’s not about school, Mum.” Louis stops her. His heart is beating so fast, yet he can’t exactly pin point what he’s afraid of. “It’s about- me, I guess.”

“Oh.” Jay raises her eyebrows. “I’m listening.”

“It’s- well, I-, shit,” he screws his eyes shut for a second, trying to steady his breathing. It doesn’t really work. “I don’t really know how to say it, but like, maybe... I don’t know..”

“Louis?”

“I don’t know. I, like, fancy boys sometimes, maybe?” his voice raises pitch at the end, like a question. He’s only really questioning his entire life right now. Shit. Why won’t his heart rate slow down already?

Jay is silent for only half a moment, before she opens her arm and says, “Come here, you numpty. Were you afraid to tell me?”

Louis leans into her side, feeling about six years old again, and shrugs, shutting his eyes. “Maybe.”

“Oh, Louis. I love you so much, so unconditionally, alright? You know that?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods slowly.

“And nothing will ever make a difference to that. As long as you’re happy and healthy what more could I want? You’re always gonna be my boy,” she kisses the top of his hair. “And so what if you like other boys. Maybe that means in however many years, there’ll be another boy sitting at the family table at dinner- and I couldn’t be happier as long as you’re happy, too, darling.”

Louis laughs quietly and snuggles closer. 

“You do whatever makes you happy. Whoever makes you happy.”

“ _Mum!_ ” Louis groans incredulously from her side. She seems to think her own joke is too funny.

“I’m serious though, Lou,” she says once she’s stopped giggling, “You’re so brave for telling me and I want you to know this doesn’t change anything. I love you more than anything. Have you told anyone else?”

“Not-” Louis stops, he can think of one person who could guess, “not explicitly.”

“That’s okay. And you don’t have to tell anyone else until you’re ready to. You don’t have to tell anyone at all, ever. Just show up with a boyfriend and let them deal with it,” she says.

Louis tries not to groan again. “You’re not going to be really embarrassing are you?”

“Me? Never?” She feigns offence and Louis laughs at her. He’s so lucky with his mum. “Unless you tell me who you’ve got a crush on, then it’s a mother’s duty to investigate and take the Mickey out of you.” 

“Noooo,” he grumbles, laughing a little too. “I’ll never tell you anything again if you do that.”

“Nonsense!” she proclaims, poking his side, “I’m your mum. I will know everything.”

“No.” Louis folds his arms in mock huffiness. “David Beckham. That’s the only answer you’re getting.”

“Beckham doesn’t count. Every human being fancies him.” She rolls her eyes but kisses his hair again, silent for a moment. “I’m so proud of you. Not just for this but for everything. You know that, right?” 

“Yeah,” Louis says, watching on the muted telly as a blonde lady gets into an ambulance, “I love you, Mum.”

“You too, honey.” She whispers and Louis falls asleep that night with his head in his mum’s lap, like he’s a little kid again, and doesn’t mind one bit.

 

 

Weeks manage to go by, with Louis feeling like he loves Liam more with each and each passing day. It still kills him. Still kills him that Liam’s never quite been the same with him since that weird phase after Louis went to that party and Liam avoided him, and Louis has no idea why.

Before Louis knows it he’s revising for his actual A Levels. He’s never going to come back into sixth form after these exams. This is it- things are practically ending, and he’s got to get through it like everyone else- with over highlighted textbooks and post it notes and flash cards containing probably irrelevant information. His exams are coming up and once they’re done- that’s it. 

There’s a week and a day to go until study leave when Louis is sitting in the common room with Harry, Niall and Zayn. Liam is off in a revision class for his own AS exams and that’s another thing that’s a bit of a blow to Louis- he’s leaving when Liam is not.

In the last week alone Louis has probably ‘borrowed’ more of Zayn’s cigarettes than he can technically afford to pay back- but Zayn seems just as stressed as he is and doesn’t argue.

“Niall, test me on my Biology, alright?” Harry asks, thrusting a dog-eared textbook vaguely in Niall’s direction across the circular table.

Zayn is sitting there, sketching away in his sketchbook with an almost angry expression on his face. Louis had before tried to ask if he wanted a cereal bar from the canteen but Zayn had given him a death stare because apparently _deadlines are Friday, Louis_.

Louis aimlessly flicks through his psychology folder, before realising he can’t exactly read his own handwriting. He gives up and pulls out his drama script, trying to memorise annotations he could possibly write about in the exam. His brain feels all a bit like mush about his education at the moment, and he still finds himself most of the time getting distracted by thoughts of lovely tan biceps and big brown eyes before he can help himself, anyway.

He’s not sure why he feels so confident all of a sudden, it’s not really appropriate. Everyone is pulling their own hair out over their A Levels and he hasn’t really thought it through- but after a week and a day Louis is never going to be in school with these friends like this again. And somehow that makes it seem like a good idea for him to say: “Guys, um, there’s something I should probably tell you.”

Niall puts down his textbook and Zayn stops almost ripping a hole in his coursework from the pressure of his pencil, and looks up.

“What’s up, bro?” Zayn asks, and Louis is slightly scared about how calm he feels. It doesn’t feel scary at all, and thats almost unnerving in itself.

Maybe it’s his lack of sleep from revision, or his stress about everything, or how now he’s told his parents and his oldest sisters it almost doesn’t feel like big news any more.

“I like boys,” he says. The words don’t feel foreign on his tongue like they used to- it almost feels normal.

“That’s cool.” Harry shrugs, clicking the lid shut on his highlighter.

“Um,” Louis says. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting as a reaction, really.

“Oh? Wait, for how long?” Zayn asks, putting his pencil down.

“Like, forever, probably. I don’t remember. I only really figured it out this year, though.” he says.

“You’ve kept that one, quiet,” Harry says, but none of them look particularly shocked. Louis is not entirely sure what to make of it.

His friends don’t really ask many more questions after that, and Louis is mostly glad for it when the bell signalling the next period rings.

“Anyone else got another free now?” he asks and Niall nods.

“I do.”

Zayn and Harry make their way out the common room as Louis and Niall go back to revising. Liam normally has a free too now, but Louis is still unsure about whether he should go and find him.

“You didn’t seem particularly shocked,” Louis comments, flipping through his script.

“Yeah, well,” Niall shrugs. It’s sort of frustrating.

“I- I don’t know if I’m gay.” Louis says. He’s not really in control of his mouth. “I don’t know what I am. Just, like, not straight. You don’t seem very surprised.”

Niall sighs and closes his book. “Well, I shouldn’t tell you this. It’s not my place to say. I sort of- guessed you weren’t. And mentioned it to the others. Then asked someone else who didn’t deny it so..”

Louis’ eyebrows shoot up. “Who?” Niall hasn’t been speaking to his mum, thats for sure.

“I shouldn’t tell you.” Niall looks uncomfortable, and Niall is _never_ uncomfortable. He doesn’t have an awkward bone in his body. “He didn’t say anything, really. I came to my own conclusions-“

“He?” Louis is so confused, he shakes his head. “Niall, who did you speak to?”

“Christ,” Niall runs a hand through his hair and won’t meet Louis’ eyes. “Don’t say I told you, alright? But when you were all moping and upset about Liam not talking to you...    I went to go and see him and when I said it I was joking but...    he didn’t laugh and I guessed and he wouldn’t tell me anything else so- so I-”

Liam? Louis feels sick. “Liam?” he squeaks. “He doesn’t know anything.”

But Louis did kiss him. Twice. Maybe that was enough for Liam to guess..

“I was joking with him,” Niall repeats. “I know he doesn’t find us the easiest to talk to, so I was trying to crack a joke. I was all like, _why aren’t you talking to Tommo? Finally figured out he fancies the pants off of you?_ like I do with you. Like how you’re always following him around. I thought you’d already told him or something. It was a joke, I swear.”

Louis feels so ill. “Shit.”

“I’m sorry man. At least it’s not actually him you fancy, right?” Niall tries to laugh and Louis’ brain has gone static.

He doesn’t say anything.

“Oh, Louis...” Niall says quietly as it hits him. It feels like Louis has been slapped in the face as well.

 

 

Louis wants to speak to Liam, to try and explain himself, but he barely gets a chance to breathe with the exams hanging over his head- let alone anything else. He tries to text him that weekend, but even when he’s figured out what to say he can’t send it as his phone is out of credit. 

He’s tearing his mind inside out thinking about it. Liam definitely knows. He’d always thought- but never... that’s why he’s been so weird with Louis lately. It makes sense.

Louis probably isn’t retaining any of the information he needs to for his exams at the moment, feeling a little like a wet sponge, but he cannot stop thinking about anything besides the things Niall had told him.

The last day of sixth form before study leave, and everyone is signing the upper sixth’s shirts and getting a little tearful. Seven years in this school and Louis is finally leaving. If you’d told him this in Year 8 he’d have been over the moon- but obviously that was before he’d met-

He feels weirdly nostalgic walking around the school site. All the corridors he’s known these years, all the classrooms, all the people. The routine he’s known for this long- it’s going. The pitch he played football on for most of his school life is there, so are the PE changing rooms- the locker he tripped and whacked his head on in Year 9 and gave himself a black eye on still has the dent in it- one of the keyboards in the music classrooms still has a knob drawn on the ‘D’ from where he clearly thought he was a hilarious Year 11- the science classroom he’d met Liam in is still laid out exactly the same- Liam’s poster about ‘lab safety’ still blu-tacked to the window. 

The stage he’d performed in the school play on, every year from Year 8 onwards, in the main hall sits there exactly the same as always and the costume cupboard in the drama studio remains a mess. It’s insane, really. He’s leaving it all behind. Everyone else is going off to uni, getting a job or doing something with their life. Everyone he’d met on the first day of either Year 7 or Year 12 is leaving- and he is too. His shirt is covered in multicoloured sharpie signatures from the rest of the sixth form, and his school bag feels oddly empty for once. He’s leaving.

“You’re leaving.” It’s the one person who hasn’t signed his shirt yet.

“I’m not leaving you, though,” Louis says, turning to face Liam and hugging him as tight as he can without a second thought. He thinks Liam might be crying. He thinks he might be too. “I’m never gonna leave you.”

“This is silly,” Liam laughs sadly into Louis’ hair, strong arms holding onto Louis for dear life. “I’m gonna see you before and after exams probably. I’m gonna see you all the time. You’re my best friend.”

Louis’ heart is hammering in his chest and Liam can probably feel it through both of their shirts. “You’re my best friend.”

“God,” Liam breathes out, “see this is why I need you. Because everyone knows you, and nobody knows me.”

“I know you, Leem,” Louis says. And the tidal wave of familiarity hits him like a tsunami.

Liam gets it too because he giggles quietly. “We’re still gonna see each other all the time, right?” He hasn’t let go of Louis yet, and Louis doesn’t want him too.

“Of course, you muppet,” Louis sighs, “I’m gonna come to your house everyday. Might move in under your staircase. I know where you live- you can’t stop me.” Liam just laughs at him. “I’m taking a gap year, anyway, I think. Stick around this town for a while longer. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” Liam sounds relieved, and pulls back to look at Louis’ face. His eyes are slightly red and he looks beautiful. “Is there any space left on your top for me to sign?”

Louis smiles and hands him the orange sharpie, letting Liam write on the left side of his chest where theres still a little space.

 _gd luck lou, ill c u every day but still gunna miss u! love ya_ with a slightly squiggly heart drawn next to it. Then a circle around the entire message on Louis’ pec and an arrow pointing to it labelled _Liam owns this boob! :)_

“You’re an idiot,” Louis grins, shifting his bag up his shoulder. It’s pretty much the end of the day anyway. “Should we go to Costa?”

They walk out the gates before the huge crowd of everyone else does, and it’s nothing like the day Louis first kissed him- it’s actually quite sunny and warm for one- but it reminds him of it nonetheless. 

The walk to town is filled with reminiscing on secondary school days; like when Louis forced Liam to audition for the talent show when he was in Year 10 and Liam came first place; or the joint GCSE French trip to Paris where they’d managed to get themselves not only split up from their separate year groups but also lost in an art museum; or even Liam’s GCSE results day when he found out he’d be staying at sixth form with Louis; the first house party Louis dragged him to, and the first time he’d got him properly drunk; the detention they’d got for trying to skive Tuesday afternoon assemblies- only getting caught once out of the two years they did it for. 

And Louis is terrified of the future, especially one that doesn’t involve Liam.

Louis orders his tea and shortbread when they reach Costa and pays for Liam’s hot chocolate and jammy dodger too, finding them a seat at a little table for two in the back.

“- Miss. Barnes was proper miffed at us, wasn’t she?” Liam is saying and Louis laughs, nodding, setting the tray down on the table.

“That was a good day. I think she told my mum about it at parent’s evening too.” Louis agrees.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to be there anymore when I go back to sixth form.” Liam says and it makes Louis want to cry.

“Don’t.” he says, “Come on, lets not get all sentimental.”

“Because what we were just discussing wasn’t sentimental?” Liam asks with a cheeky grin and Louis beams back. It feels so normal, so right.

“I’m so glad you don’t hate me,” Louis takes a sip of his tea.

Liam tilts his head in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“Just, you know after that party the other month when I somehow ended up at yours. I don’t know what happened but I thought you were mad at me for weeks after,” Louis explains.

Liam puts down his biscuit very slowly. “Oh, that.” He exhales slowly. “I never hated you. Just...you really don’t remember, do you?”

Louis feels a little uneasy, Liam’s asked this before. “Did I say something stupid when I was drunk? I’m sorry if I did, I just..” he trails off.

“Not stupid,” Liam shrugs, staring into his mug of hot chocolate, “You were really upset. You were crying quite a lot and you told me you fancy boys, basically.”

“Oh,” Louis says, he can feel his cheeks heating up and his stomach tighten. “Well, I do sometimes. I... well, is that all?”

“You kinda...no,” Liam stops himself, frowning. “No, if you don’t remember I won’t bring it up again.”

“Tell me what, Liam? You’re scaring me.” Louis asks, quietly.

“You were really drunk and upset. I don’t know, then you kissed me and, like, I don’t know how to say it, ended up rubbing off on me? You were so drunk. You passed out afterwards. I’m sorry, like-”

“What?” Louis’ stomach plummets and he thinks he might actually be sick. “Fuck, did I? I- I’m sorry. I had no idea. Fuck, what was I thinking?”

“It was ages ago, Lou, don’t worry about it-”

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Louis can feel his hands trembling as he pushes his empty mug into the middle of the table. “Fuck, Liam, I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry, I really am I-” he gets up and the chair scrapes along the floor.

“Louis?”

“I need to go revise...or something. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry,” he repeats. He can’t breathe in here- he needs to get outside, rushing out and onto the high street just seconds before the bus pulls up at the bus stop. He gives all his pennies to the driver and wants to cry the entire way home.

He gets a text from Liam halfway through the stops that reads: _i shouldn’t have told u, hope ur ok dw about it, alright?_ but Louis can’t do anything except worry about it.

His first exam is on Monday and from that point on all his revision is in vain. He’s so _stupid_. 

 

 

His unit 1 psychology exam goes pretty horribly. And so does his human geography later that week. He can’t stop thinking about what Liam told him and he feels terrible. He goes home after every exam and tries not to whack his head against the desk as he’s revising. 

He texts Liam twice more that week, saying: _I'm so sorry mate I get it if you don’t wanna talk_ and _so fucking sorry I feel terrible  !!! please don't h8 me_

Liam doesn’t reply. He’s got his own AS exams to focus on. Louis only wants to crawl into bed and die a tiny bit.

Two weeks into exams, and since the incident at Costa, Louis finally gets a reply from him: _can we talllkk??_

He goes to Liam’s house in the middle of the Thursday morning and he’s not sure why he’s more nervous about this than he is about any of his A Levels. He can’t stop shaking as he rings the doorbell.

Liam opens the door and brings him in, flicking on the kettle to make a cup of tea and leading them into the front room.

“I’m sorry,” Louis says quietly, sitting on the arm of the sofa as Liam carries the two mugs of steaming tea in, setting them on the coffee table.

“It’s okay,” Liam doesn’t really look at him. “How are your exams going?”

“Horribly,” Louis cannot be arsed to lie, “I’ve only got my drama theory left, at least.”

“I’m sure you’ll be okay, you always manage to pull through in the end,” Liam says and smiles slightly. It’s possibly the best thing Louis has seen in weeks.

“Yeah,” Louis laughs sadly, blowing on his tea. “Are yours going alright?”

“Yeah, I’ve just got three left,” Liam says and as much as Louis does care, he hates this sort of small talk- with Liam of all people.

“Liam..” Louis says after a while, halfway through his tea, “I am sorry, you know. Not just for what I did but for showing up here drunk off my tits and for the way I came out to you. That wasn’t fair. It was really shitty of me. I know.”

Liam’s doing his puppy dog face again and Louis either wants to laugh or cry, “So… you are gay, then?”

“I… ” Louis pauses, “I don’t know. I just know I like boys, but I don’t know what that makes me. If that makes sense.”

Liam nods slowly, drinking his own tea and hums in agreement. “Alright.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. I think you’re apologising for the wrong things, though,” Liam says and Louis frowns.

He steadies himself with a deep breath. He can’t deal with this eating him up inside for a day longer. “Theres something else I’m sorry for, too. Something you don’t know.”

Liam stays quiet and looks at him with curiosity. “What is it?”

“I shouldn’t tell you. I don’t think you know, anyway. Niall sort of knows. Mark does too, he guessed it at least.” Louis’ tummy is twisting and twisting and he just needs to fucking get it out of his system. “You’re gonna hate me, oh God. I’ve got to tell you, though. I’ve got to tell you I’m in love with you and it’s fucking killing me. I am so sorry.” he drops his chin to his chest and breathes out shakily. 

Liam isn’t saying anything. He’s sitting there with wide, brown eyes and his mouth slightly agape. He’s not saying anything though and the silence is torture.

Louis bites the inside of his cheek so he won’t cry. “Liam...” he whispers after about a minute. “Please say something.”

“You never told me?” Liam asks and Louis has to shut his eyes so he can’t see Liam’s stupid perfect face.

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I was too afraid to. I’m still so afraid.”

“Of me?” Liam draws his eyebrows together and Louis shouldn’t be thinking about how cute he looks.

“Of you not loving me back,” Louis admits, “which I know you don’t. And it’s okay, I think. I’ll get over it.” He’s not sure he’ll ever get over it.

Liam looks down and doesn’t reply. That’s good enough of an answer for Louis.

“I just thought you should know, anyway,” he gets to his feet. He’s not going to cry- he’s not. “I’m so sorry, Liam. You’re still my best friend, yeah?”

Liam nods once but doesn’t stand with Louis or say anything. Louis can feel his heart split in half inside of his chest.

“I- I’m gonna go home now. I need to revise.” he zips up his jacket, “Good luck with your AS’s, Liam,” and heads out into the hallway, all the while hoping Liam will call him back, until he’s out the front door and it’s too late.

 

 

Louis cries when he gets home. He’s not even ashamed. He bites his lip to stop to begin with but he can’t help it. He thought his heart was broken before- he had no fucking idea. It’s a good job his mum is at work and his sisters at school, because he’s a mess, lying with his arm over his eyes on his bed and his heart shattering with each sob. 

He feels like an idiot. Of course Liam wouldn’t love him. He’s not sweet or generous or fit like Liam; he’s selfish and a mess and kind of a dick most of the time. 

What hurts the most though is the thought that he might have lost his best friend.

He feels a lump rising in his throat at the thought and a rock drop in his stomach. His eyes are burning and he’s probably running out of tears but Louis doesn’t think he’s ever felt this broken in his life. 

Roughly half an hour after Louis has stopped crying and has tried to wash away every shitty feeling down the shower drain, there’s a knocking at the door.

He ignores it. He’s in no fit state for human interaction right now. He doesn’t particularly want to buy a New Testament from the bald man who comes around the neighbourhood every other week, anyway.

The knocking at the door gets louder and more impatient, and after another minute Louis drags himself downstairs purely to tell whoever it is to _bugger off_.

He swings open the door, swear words on the tip of his tongue, when it all falls short.

“Liam.”

“That was the worst reaction I could’ve given you. I’m sorry.” Liam says. He can probably tell Louis has been crying but he doesn’t look like he minds at all.

“You don’t have to be,” Louis shrugs, and lets Liam inside so they’re both standing awkwardly in the hallway.

“You told me you _loved me_ , Louis, and I didn’t say anything,” Liam looks so sad, “That was such a shit thing for me to do.”

Louis scrubs his eye with the back of his hand. His head hurts. “It’s alright you don’t love me back. I can get over it.”

“Don’t.” Liam says and Louis looks at him, confused.

“Don’t what?”

“Get over it. Over me. I- I don’t know what’s going on, Louis. But since that day when we bunked school and you kissed me I never really thought about anything else..”

Louis’ ears have gone fuzzy. “What?”

“And since the night when... you know… I’ve kinda just wanted to like…” he trails off. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since and I don’t know what it means.”

“You don’t have to try and make me feel better, Liam,” Louis says, his chest aching.

Liam nods, as if he’s really considering what Louis is saying, “I do love you, though. I don’t know if I’m _in_ love with you. But I definitely fancy you an awful lot.”

Did Louis’ brain just make up the end of that sentence? “You... you what?” He sounds a bit like a broken record right now, but none of this is sinking in.

“You’ve always been really fit. I’ve always noticed. Only since, well, I’ve noticed that it’s more than that.” Liam is mumbling, “I don’t know how I never realised how badly I wanted to kiss you, until you did it,”

Louis blinks at him, “Oh.”

Liam takes a step closer and Louis doesn’t move, there’s hardly any space between them, “Can I?”

Louis’ heart is trying to burst out of it’s ribcage it’s beating so hard. He nods quickly.

Liam’s hand is warm and large on his cheek, the other pushing his fringe out of his eyes, and Louis’ is acutely aware of the fact he isn’t breathing, only... only Liam is kissing him and it feels like all his nerves are on fire. His lips are soft and plump and his mouth is warm, and Louis is practically melting on the spot.

“This alright?” Liam whispers and Louis nods again, reattaching their lips, trying to get Liam to open up.

God, his mouth is fantastic, his tongue is fantastic, and he’s holding Louis like he might break until Louis tugs him closer and as a consequence feels his back hit the wall. Only Liam just keeps kissing him, like it’s the only thing he can focus on, and Louis isn’t going to complain about that.

Louis gasps when Liam tugs on his lip with his teeth and presses his hips into Louis’ and thats- Louis is almost hard, which he’s not overly surprised at but- but Liam is too and fuck, that’s hot.

“Come upstairs, let’s not move my mum’s photo frames,” Louis reluctantly pulls his lips from Liam’s and takes his hand, dragging him upstairs and to his room. It’s a pig sty he knows, but Liam’s seen it in worse condition.

He sits down on the end of his bed and looks up at Liam, all tousled hair and red lips. “Do you really like me?” he asks dumbly.

Liam laughs and sits down next to Louis, rubbing his arm, “I do,” he nods down and Louis’ eyes follow to where he can see Liam’s bulge through his jeans. Oh god.

Before he can properly register it he’s being kissed again and it’s so good, brilliant. He wants to kiss Liam forever. Liam lifts him up slightly from his hips and Louis gets it, moving to bracket Liam’s legs with his own as they sit at the foot of his bed, and this is a _much_ better angle. He might possibly be dreaming.

Louis makes an embarrassing little whimper as he grinds down on Liam’s crotch, but it feels so good. He fumbles with the bottom of Liam’s shirt for a moment, trying to pull it off over his head without having to take his mouth from Liam’s, only doing so for a split second before he’s kissing Liam again, moving his hips in tight little circles.

“Louis...” Liam breathes out, running his hands up and down Louis’ sides and trying to take Louis’ t-shirt off as well.

Louis takes the opportunity to run his eyes down over Liam’s body, because, damn is it a nice body. Liam should never wear shirts. Ever.

He traces his finger over the lines of Liam’s abs, smiling to himself when he feels Liam shiver and pull Louis in by his arse, trying to get him to move his hips again.

“You’re so hot,” Louis tells him, and Liam kisses him, hands clumsily trying to undo the button on the top of Louis’ jeans.

He manages to get them undone and down to Louis’ knees as Louis still sits, straddling him. 

“Fuck,” Louis gasps, when Liam manages to get a hand inside his boxers without him noticing, wrapping a large hand around his dick and stroking tentatively. “Liam, oh my god.”

Liam kisses Louis’ shoulder, keeping his hand going and if this is how Louis is going to die then he’ll take it.

He can feel Liam’s hips twitching up slightly from underneath him, the outline of his dick pressing against Louis’ arse, before he brings Liam’s mouth back up to his own, whispering, “Fuck me. Please.”

“Yeah,” Liam nods, lifting Louis to get the rest of his trousers and pants off. Louis feels so vulnerable, because holy shit he’s naked and hard- but it’s Liam. And in two seconds Liam is trying to get his own bottoms off, so Louis gives him a hand. 

And that’s- that’s Liam’s cock. Hard and pretty big and Louis needs to kiss him right now- so he does.

It should be weird, but Liam’s skin is soft against his own and every so often his dick drags against Louis’ and he’s pretty sure he sees white.

“There’s,” he says, stopping the kiss for a second, “there’s stuff in the bedside table.”

Louis reluctantly gets off Liam’s lap, letting him go over to get the lube and a condom and staring at him all the while as he lays out on his bed, heart pounding. This is _Liam_ and they’re going to have _sex_. Bloody hell.

When Liam leans over him and kisses him again, staring at the little bottle for a moment before uncapping it. He pours some, probably too much, over his fingers and looks up at Louis for the O-K before carefully trailing one lube-slicked finger between his thighs Louis loses his breath.

“Just like.. push it in,” Louis says, he has no idea what he’s saying.

Liam laughs at him gently and shakes his head, Louis can’t help but grin a little too. God, they’re both so crap at this. 

“You alright?” Liam asks, carefully, stroking Louis’ hair with his free hand. “We don’t have to-”

“I want to.” Louis says, and leans up to kiss him again, as Liam presses his finger in. It stings for a split second before it feels good, and Liam starts moving. It feels so much better than any time he’s done this to himself, and there’s a part of his brain that’s telling him that’s just because it’s Liam. 

On two fingers Louis is scrabbling at Liam’s arms, probably holding on more tightly than necessary. On three he’s biting on his lip, eyes shut, trying not to swear. It’s sort of clumsy and there’s not much finesse but Louis still feels hot all over. 

“Lou...Lou, look at me. I don’t want to hurt you,” Liam mumbles, kissing Louis’ chest and then his belly button and making Louis squirm slightly.

“That tickles, knob.” Louis opens his eyes and is met with Liam’s, bemused but all warm and caring and concerned. “Can you do it now? I think I’m ready.”

Liam nods and pulls his fingers out, which stings leaves Louis feeling a little empty before he’s watching him fiddle with the foil packet trying to open it and slowly roll on the condom, slicking it up with lube. Louis feels a little ridiculous, spread out naked on his bed and hard. It’s _Liam_. He can’t entirely believe he’s doing this.

Liam smiles at him and takes his hand by his head, squeezing gently as he lines up with Louis’ arse.

“It’s okay, I’m not scared or anything,” Louis says, smiling up at him. This whole thing is a bit ridiculous.

“No, but I am,” Liam laughs quietly and Louis does too, squeezing his hand back.

“Alright then, come on.” He hooks his leg around the back of Liam’s. “You gonna fuck me then or what?”

“So demanding. Such a romantic,” Liam laughs again, dropping his head to kiss Louis as he slowly pushes in. 

Louis lets out a broken sound- he can’t help it. It feels, fuck, it feels so much. He feels so stretched and so full and he’s probably pulling to hard at the nape of Liam’s neck and Liam isn’t even _doing_ anything.

“Am I hurting you?” Liam asks, worried, bottoming out.

Louis nods slowly, “It’s good though. I promise. Gimme a minute.” He kisses Liam quickly, and they both stay still, breathing shallowly for a while before Louis rubs his thumb over the back of Liam’s hand. “Can you- can you move?”

Liam seems a little unsure with the thought it might be hurting Louis, but rubs his thumb reassuringly over Louis’ palm in retaliation as he pulls out slightly.  

“God, _Liam_ , please..” Louis’ voice is shaking, he knows it is. 

Liam must take that as a sign he should do something because he’s pulling out more and pushing back in before Louis has to tell him again. Holy shit. He tries to keep up a steady, slow pace as he drives into Louis, holding his hand all the while and Louis feels so strange. Good strange. A little stretched but absolutely on fire.

He lets out a moan a tiny bit louder than intended and Liam kisses him, moving his hips a little faster, a little more irregular and groaning as Louis bites onto his lip, hard.

“Feel so good, Lou,” Liam says almost incoherently, pushing into Louis in deep, careful strokes. Louis swears and scrabbles with his free hand at Liam’s back, not sure how he can try and cant his hips up too. It’s so inexpert but it’s the best feeling Louis’ ever felt.

He can barely breathe, there’s sweat pooling in every spot on his body, it’s insane, and Liam’s still trying to snap up into him with some sort of faltering rhythm, but it doesn’t matter because it’s still leaving him speechless until Liam shifts his angle slightly and-

“Oh fuck,” Louis cries out, back arching, and Liam clearly tries to do it again.

It takes a matter of seconds before Louis has a hand on his own dick, wanking himself off vaguely in time with Liam’s thrusts, before he’s coming with a gasp and screwing his eyes shut.

Liam moves three more times before he’s coming too with Louis’ name falling past his lips, collapsing onto Louis’ chest.

“Holy shit,” Louis breathes out with a laugh, and pushes Liam’s sweaty hair off his face.

“Hmfgh,” Liam grunts into Louis’ shoulder, still holding his hand.

“Come on, you lump,” Louis says, breathless, shifting Liam off of him and only wincing slightly as Liam pulls out.

Liam ties off the condom and throws it in what Louis hopes was roughly the direction of the bin, before coming back to lie next to Louis and pull him into his side, kissing his head.

“Wow,” Liam says, chest rising and falling shallowly, eyes slipping shut.

“Hey,” Louis whines, poking his defined stomach, “no falling asleep naked in my bed when my family are due home in like forty five minutes.”

Liam opens his eyes and grins at Louis, rolling on his side to face him, “I _am_ naked in your bed, aren’t I?”

“Shut up,” Louis laughs and kisses him softly, “You’re an idiot. God knows why I like you.” Or why he’s in love with him.

 

 

Louis couldn’t be happier going into his final exam, and leaving it having written potentially the best drama essay he’s ever written. 

That’s it. He’s finished his A Levels now. Forever.

It’s a bit of a nuisance that Liam has to go back in to sixth form after exams and Louis doesn’t. Mostly because it means less time snogging and less time learning how to suck him off. But Louis can deal with it; he can wait until weekends; like he’d always wait for Liam.

Mark manages to buy Louis a car- it’s an old Golf and the dark green paint is mostly chipping and it will probably cost more to insure than Louis will ever be able to afford- but it’s a _car_. An _I’m-proud-of-you-for-everything-and-I’m-still-your-Dad_ present, as it said on the gift tag attached to the keys. 

He gets himself a job at the local youth theatre group, as an assistant to the lady who runs a drama class for five to eight year olds; the children are nothing he hasn’t dealt with at home, he gets to do something he genuinely enjoys,the pay isn’t bad either and he loves it. He could definitely see himself spending the next year doing this.

None of the things that happened in the year went according to plan, but in the end Louis isn’t sure he’s ever been happier.

He picks Liam up from school in ‘The Hulk’ (as Fiz had ironically named it) on the following Friday, and they kiss a lot in the front seats before Louis is even able to start the engine. He can’t really comprehend how he gets to kiss Liam, but he’s not doing takesies-backsies. 

It’s only a small thing niggling at Louis’ mind as they drive the way back to Liam’s with Liam’s hand on his thigh the entire journey. It’s nothing he should be worried about, really. 

Liam seems to notice as he’s trying to stuff the hoover into the cupboard in the utility room, because he comes out and takes Louis’ elbow, making his concerned face he does so well.

“Don’t puppy dog face me, Payno,” Louis laughs, turning on his toes so he’s facing Liam.

“Are you upset about something?” Liam asks, expression unchanged.

Louis sighs and stares at his shoes for a second, “No, it’s really nothing…”

Liam holds Louis other arm too, so he’s got both hands on him and gets Louis to raise his eyes, “What is it?”

“It’s just,” Louis starts, “I know you’re not as in love with me as I am with you… but, like, what are we doing? What are we? I don’t just want bits and pieces of you, Liam, that’s teasing; I’d almost rather have nothing if I can’t have all of you and-”

“Lou, Lou,” Liam interrupts him and Louis doesn’t know why he’s smiling- this is very serious, thank you very much.

Louis blinks at him for a moment, Liam’s hands warm on his skin and he feels so small.

“You can, you know,” Liam says, “Have all of me, that is. If I can have you.”

“Yeah?” Louis looks up at him, lips twitching up too.

“And we can be, well, boyfriends, if you want?”

Louis’ smile grows and he nods enthusiastically. “I do. I do want.”

“Good. Me too.” Liam grins at him and Louis wastes no time in pushing up on his toes to crash his mouth against Liam’s, sending him stumbling back for a second before he manages to steady himself with his arms around Louis’ waist.

“We’re still best friends first, though.” Louis says and Liam nods and smiles against Louis’ lips, and it’s possibly the best feeling ever.

 

 

Louis sulks a little bit around his Year 13 prom, mostly because he wasn’t able to bring Liam with him, but he, Niall, Harry and Zayn sneak off an hour early to get pissed by themselves in a park in their tuxedos, anyway. It’s weird lying on the damp grass with a beer bottle in each hand, knowing that things are changing forever. That they’re going to have to be adults, almost. Louis still feels about thirteen half the time, getting kicked out of his Chemistry class in Year 9, trying to act older than he was. 

 

 

Results day can’t come soon enough, yet at the same time it comes round all too quickly. Louis is jittering about the house like he has been for the last two months since he finished his exams. He’s fucking terrified.

He shows up at school at half eight in the morning, rushing into the hall as if for some reason the results would’ve been given out early, and almost collides into his group of friends milling about by the window. 

“Tommo!” Niall cheers and pulls him into the middle of the group for a hug.

“You alright?” Zayn asks, clapping him on the back.

“Absolutely shitting myself, what about yourself?” he tells him and Zayn laughs, nodding. 

“Need two As and a B to get into art school,” Zayn tells him, “I’m petrified.”

“You’ll do it, don’t worry,” Harry tells him and Zayn smiles. 

Louis can’t believe all his friends are potentially going off to different parts of the country in September. He’s going to miss them so much.

“I’m going to miss you tossers,” he says and Niall sticks his tongue out at him. Very mature.

“Still taking a gap year, then?” he asks, as Harry pulls him into a side on hug.

Louis nods and smiles, “Yeah, reckon it will do me good.” His mum seemed to think it was a good idea too, and when has she ever been wrong about anything?

It’s almost nine o’clock, going by the huge wooden clock hanging above the stage that Louis had been on so many a time before, and Liam should be here to pick up his own AS results soon too.  

He hears him before he sees him and spins around with the biggest grin plastering his face.

“Looouis!” Liam runs up to him and hugs him tightly, almost lifting him off of his feet.

“You made it in time. I was going to open yours for you and lie about all your results.” Louis tells him and Liam laughs, eyes crinkling.

“You wouldn’t dare,” he says.

Harry coughs from behind them- subtle as always- saying, “Hi Liam, ready for your results?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Liam admits and Louis just feels foolishly fond at them all getting along without any awkwardness.

The minute hand pushes over to the twelve and the head master calls them all over, separating lower and upper sixth to head over to two sets of tables, one at the back of the hall, the other at the front. 

Louis’ hands are shaking. His entire body is shaking and he feels a little ill. Stepping over to the desk where the administrator of education is sitting with a pile of pristine white envelopes. She flicks through them painfully slowly and, Christ, why does T have to be so near the bottom of the alphabet.

He takes it from her with trembling hands when she gets it out eventually, and moves over to the side so other people can get theirs, perching on the bottom step coming off the side of the stage.

He can’t open it. He almost doesn’t want to.

He hooks his thumb under the opening and glides it open as carefully as he can, pulling out the letter and squeezing his eyes shut before he can look at it. Opening one eye slowly, and then the other, he takes a deep breath and-

 

 _A Level - Psychology - B_ __  
_A Level - Geography - B_  
_A Level - Drama & Theatre Studies - A*_

 

Bloody hell. Louis has no idea what he was expecting but not that. Not three passes. Not three _good_ passes at that- his heart beat still won’t slow down.

He dials his mum’s number with clumsy hands still, knowing she’ll be waiting by the phone at home, and she picks up after one ring.

“Mum,” he says.

“Yes?” she says quietly. It’s possible she’s been more nervous than Louis has.

“I got my results…” he says, and he’s only talking slowly partially to make his mum impatient.

He can hear her wait a moment before she says, “And?”

“Two Bs and an A*,” he says it out loud. It’s real. Those are his real results.

He hears her intake of breath on the other end of the line and her voice crack as she says, “Oh my god, sweetie.”

“Mum,” he laughs quietly, feeling his eyes start to prick with tears, “are you crying?”

She sniffs on the other end and talking to who is probably one of the girls, “I am just so proud of you, Louis.” she tells him, and alright, she’s definitely crying.

“Don’t. You’ll start me off now,” he tries to laugh. It all feels a bit dream-like.

“So proud.” She repeats and Louis can’t help how big he smiles.

“Thanks,” he says, “I’m gonna go see what my friends got now, alright? I love you.”

“I love you too my little genius,” she says, and that is definitely an over exaggeration but he’ll let her feel proud for once as he hangs up and gets to his feet.

Zayn comes running up to him, which is a first because Zayn doesn’t run, waving his envelope in the air with tears in his eyes. “Louis! Louis! I’m going to art school!” he crashes into a hug with him, and Louis somehow manages to steady his body weight.

“Congratulations, bro, I’m so happy for you,” Louis laughs, patting him on the back.

“Niall and Harry got onto their courses too, but Maura won’t let them go right now. I think they might be being suffocated.” Zayn tells him, eyes shining.

“Oh my god,” Louis grins, “You lot are all growing up.” He wipes a (definitely fake) tear from his eye, before Zayn asks to see his results.

Louis hands the paper over, and it feels like nothing could affect him right now.

“Wow,” Zayn smiles at him. “I’ll tell you: any uni that doesn’t want you is missing out, mate. But you’ll come visit us every weekend, yeah? We’ll make a Louis rota.” he says.

Louis laughs and shoos him off to go and talk to his mum, who he’s spotted anxiously hovering by the door, “Go on. Speak to your family. I can’t believe you lot are all going off and leaving me in this town.”

Zayn gives him his paper back and one more hug, and when he vanishes, Liam is standing a little way behind, beautiful and smiling at him.

“I’m not leaving you,” Liam says, and Louis hugs him tighter than he’s probably hugged anyone in his life.

“Not leaving you, either,” he says into Liam’s collar.

Liam laughs and pulls him back, eyes going to the paper Louis was holding between their bodies. “What did you get?” he asks.

“Two Bs and an A*.” Louis tells him. It still doesn’t sound real. “You?”

“Lou, that’s incredible!” Liam beams, “I got two Bs, a C and an A. I reckon I’m dropping literature after this,” he laughs and Louis hugs him again. He can’t help himself.

“I’m so proud of you,” he says. “I love you so much.”

Liam kisses the side of his head, and pushes him back again so he can look directly in his eyes. “Louis, I- I love you too.”

And that’s probably the best thing to happen to Louis all year. He’s flying. He’s on cloud nine.

Louis kisses him quickly before he remembers they’re standing in the middle of the school hall, and drops back to his toes. He’s smiling at Liam as if he was the sun.

“Tommo!” Someone is calling out from behind him. “Party at Pete’s tonight!”

“You gonna go to that?” Liam asks, smiling back down at Louis. Louis’ cheeks are starting to hurt.

“Yeah. You’re coming too, right? Pete’s house is massive. Reckon I could find somewhere to suck you off there.”

Liam blushes and laughs at him. He has such a nice laugh. “You’re terrible.”

Louis pokes him in the chest, “but you love me anyway?” he asks hopefully, and Liam nods, biting his lip.

“I love you anyway.”

Louis’ heart feels too big for his chest, taking Liam’s hand quickly. “Let’s go get a celebratory Costa, yeah? My treat.”

Liam agrees and they walk out the school gates, surrounded by people hugging their friends and family and a lot of crying, piling into Louis’ car. The sun’s pouring in through the windshield so Louis flips the sun protector down so he won’t have to squint, turning to face Liam. The way the August light hits his face reminds Louis of the day he first kissed him, except now he can, so he does, and his stomach flips in exactly the same way.

“Come on, best mate. Tea and shortbread awaits us,” he starts the engine.

Liam grins at him, buckling his seat belt. “Alright, boyfriend.”

Louis _knows_ he’s never been happier.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> okay, warnings/extra tags for underage drinking, divorce, kind of cheating but not really b/c there wasn't a really relationship to cheat on, one use of homophobic language, coming out, first times, and though the characters are above 16, which is the legal age for sex in the uk, I know some people might be uncomfortable with that idea based on what their country considers underage, hence why I wasn't sure if I should tag it and just put it down here instead. [ (back to start)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3087953#main)
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> hope you liked it :) 
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>  


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